I Wish You To the Cornfield
by Candyland
Summary: [COMPLETE] A strange boy makes a wish, and our heros end up in the middle of a cornfield. But where are they now? What is this...primitive place? And who are these people?
1. Prologue

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AN: This is another one of my totally off-the-wall fics, but I think it'll turn out well. This is a very short prologue, and I'm just going to post it at the same time I put up chapter one. This should be an interesting fic, and I hope everyone enjoys it. So here we go, I don't own DBZ...you know the drill.

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Prologue

The teenage girl sighed as she put her fingers to the keyboard. Well, time to go.

A little green creature scurried around the room, making odd noises as it went.

Finally, she turned. "Kiwi, what are you doing?"

The Saibaman stopped and looked at her through big red eyes. It said something.

"Oh whatever, just let me get started on this, and then we can go get icees. Plus, I've got homework to do, early band tomorrow, and show choir rehearsal tomorrow night," she sighed again. "Senior year…ugh…but it's going by so fast."

Kiwi made more noises, and she smiled.

"Yeah, I know. College next year. But then I probably won't have time to write. Speaking of which," she turned back to her computer. "Let me get this fic started. Just a chapter, then we'll go. Deal?"

The Saibaman nodded, and Candyland began typing.


	2. The Wish is Made

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AN: This is a crazy story, I swear. But hey, if the shoe fits ^-^ I'm going to get this entire story written before I start posting, just so I don't have to scramble to try and get everything written. That's what I did for the original story of "A Price Paid in Blood," and it's what I wish I'd done for "Faith." Oh well, too late now. I don't own DBZ and I don't own any cornfields.

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Chapter One—The Wish is Made

The entire Z gang looked stunned at the little boy standing in the middle of the Capsule Corp gardens. He was a fairly average-looking child—blonde with brown eyes, wearing what almost looked like a pair of white pajamas with a loose-fitting shirt and pants over bare feet.

More importantly, at the boy's feet were seven orange spheres, each one bearing a different number of stars on it. The balls were glowing in a strange pulsing manner as the boy held his hands out over them and smiled a semi-evil smile.

Goku, Gohan, Goten, ChiChi, Vegeta, Bulma, Trunks, Krillen, Number Eighteen, Videl, and Piccolo stared in confusion and slight alarm. Why was this kid here, and why did he have the Dragonballs? Furthermore, what would his wish be?

The child's smile grew a tiny bit wider, and he spoke in a clear, thin voice. "I summon you, Eternal Dragon. Come forth and grant my wish!"

In a blinding flash of light, the form of Shenron erupted from the seven glowing stones and soared into the sky, which darkened to the color of night. When the Dragon had formed, he looked down and boomed, "YOU HAVE SUMMONED ME. I WILL GRANT YOU ONE WISH."

The boy looked pleased. "I wish them to the cornfield!" he replied eagerly, jabbing a finger in the direction of the confused Z senshi.

Shenron's eyes began to glow. "YOUR WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED." With that, the Eternal Dragon disappeared, and the Dragonballs scattered.

"What the hell did he mean by the cornfield?" Piccolo muttered, but no one had time to answer him as something appeared behind them.

They could only assume as to what it was, though no one could say for total certainty. It was round and seemed to be flat, but bottomless, with a swirling collage of every color imaginable moving around within it. What's more, it was emitting a very strong vacuum. And even with their super strength, the Z fighters couldn't resist being pulled in by the overwhelming gravity.

And so they fell through what seemed like an endless space filled with colors. Several of them were screaming as they plummeted. Those who could fly were stunned and alarmed to discover that their abilities to defy gravity weren't working. There was no way to stop themselves.

Finally, a blinding white light appeared beneath them, and they fell right into it, landing with a hard thud on the ground that had mysteriously appeared beneath them.

A few seconds of frightened silence followed as the Z gang picked themselves up and dusted themselves off. Finally, they took a good look at their surroundings.

It was then that they realized they couldn't see anything over the tall plants that were sprouting up all around them. Picking up Bulma and ChiChi, they flew into the sky and landed outside the plants, finally getting their first real look at where they had ended up. The tall plants proved to be a cornfield, which only made sense. But where was the cornfield they'd landed in?

"Umm…guys?" Gohan said softly, looking around at his friends. "Where are we?"

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The nervous little Saibaman tugged at Candyland's sleeve, and she sighed. "All right, all right, we'll call this good for a first chapter. Okay?"

Kiwi whistled happily and scampered off to raid the author's penny jar for icee money.

AN: This idea came to me one evening when I went out for pizza with my dear pal Fred the Mutant Pickle and my little sister Arwen (not real names). Fred had just set up its account on FF.net, and we were discussing the intricacies of fanfic writing when this just hit me out of the blue. It's going to get very interesting, promise.


	3. A Strange New Place

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AN: This is another short chappie, but the next one will be nice and long, I swear. By the way, does anyone have any idea where our beloved Z fighters are? I'd really love to hear it if you do. I don't own DBZ and I don't own cornfields and I don't own marching band. Confused yet?

On a more personal note, would anyone like to guess what today, October 30th is? That's right—it's my seventeenth birthday! This means I can get my full license (cuz we have the graduated license program here) and I can go to R-rated movies! And as a birthday gift, guess where I get to go tonight? RIVERDANCE! Our city finished renovating this old theatre last year, and now we're getting all sorts of big-name acts, and this week it's Riverdance. My mommy and my sister and I are going for my birthday. I'm soooooo excited!!!!

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Chapter Two—A Strange New Place

Everyone was staring around in confusion. Where the hell were they?

Suddenly, a loud rumbling was heard, not unlike that of thunder. But, strangely enough, there were no clouds in the sky…what was it?

The answer came when Goku sheepishly clutched his stomach. "Umm…I'm a little hungry. Wait a sec! I got it!" Turning around to the cornfield they'd landed in, Goku cupped his hands together at his side and began charging up an attack. "Ka…me…ha…me…HA!" He released the energy at the field of vegetables, and something rather peculiar happened. The corn began to explode. Over the rushing air of the attack and the popping sound of the vegetable, Goku could be heard yelling, "POPCORN!!!!"

When the attack ended and the corn stopped popping, a mountain of fresh popcorn was left, just waiting for a hungry Saiyan to devour it. Needless to say, the Saiyans and demi-Saiyans descended on it like mosquitoes on a camper in summer. In less than five minutes, the Everest-sized pile of popcorn was reduced to a few crumbs and unpopped kernels.

While the guys were stuffing themselves, Bulma, ChiChi, and Videl decided to have a little look around their present location. After a short search of the area, they stumbled across an odd little sign with a rock hanging off a chain attached to it. The bright red letters painted on the top of the sign read, "Boondocks Weather Station."

Bulma read the sign out loud, not believing her eyes. "Wet rock, rain. Dry rock, fair. Swinging rock, windy. White rock, snow. Missing rock, tornado. Invisible rock, fog." She turned to her fellow women in confusion. "Ugh. What _is _this?"

"Uh, guys, maybe we should go find out where we are," Videl called to the Saiyans, gesturing towards the horizon. Everyone agreed that this was a very good idea, and Goku and Vegeta scooped up their respective mates as they all took to the air to explore these new surroundings.

The scenery zipped by below. It seemed like a never-ending expanse of fields—not just corn, but other plants and vegetables that they couldn't quite identify. A long roadway also ran along the entire length of their travels, and dozens of cars were driving along it. Bulma started muttering something about "low-tech" and "why don't the cars fly".

They came over a hill and found themselves face-to-face with a city. It wasn't the largest place they'd ever seen, but it was decent sized, and had a large number of buildings in what appeared to be the downtown area. Further along was what appeared to be a stadium and then lots of houses.

"Maybe somebody down there can tell us where we are," Krillen shouted over the rushing wind. "Let's go check it out!"

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"Morning, Jenny," Candyland yawned, opening her locker and stuffing her backpack and purse in while pulling out a pair of worn, filthy white sneakers. "Are we outside today?"

The dark-haired teenager read a piece of paper hanging on a nearby bulletin board before answering Candyland's question. "Inside at first, break at 7:30, instruments and flags on the marching band field at 7:45. I wonder which flags we need."

"Who knows? Probably the silver poles," the author slammed the locker closed and walked up the stairs towards the auditorium with her friend, calling a good morning to Sarah and Taryn on the way. "It's gonna be a long morning…"

AN: I know these first couple of chapters have been pretty short, and some of it might not make sense right now, but everything will be explained, I promise! The next one is where stuff really starts happening, promise. It's also where this story starts to get pretty funny, I swear. Thanks!


	4. Oh No! Not You!

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AN: Now things are gonna start happening. Promise. A few special cameos here. Enjoy. I still don't own DBZ or a marching band. How sad is this—I'm out of creative ideas for disclaimers.

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Chapter Three—Oh No…Not You!

"There doesn't seem to be anybody out," Eighteen observed coolly.

It was quite chilly outside, perhaps because the sun wasn't fully up yet. There had been dozens of cars on the roads outside the city, but inside the place itself there were few cars out and about. Gohan wished he knew what time it was. That might offer an explanation.

"I'm started to think this might be a tiny bit hopeless," ChiChi commented from her perch in Goku's arms, turning her head to look down at the ground below.

"Wait a sec! Look!" Piccolo stopped and pointed downwards. There was a large group of people outside on a flat field by a hillside. Some of the people had what appeared to be large pieces of fabric or something in their hands, and of the rest, each was holding something shiny. The sound of music drifted up towards their ears. Piccolo winced at quite a few out-of-tune notes.

"Should we go check it out?" Videl asked, but Goten and Trunks, who had managed to stay out of trouble since the trip through the portal (that's what they'd figured the color-filled void was), were already zipping down towards the group at top speed.

"Hey! You two get back here!" Vegeta roared, giving chase. Not to be left behind, the rest of the group followed. And Goku and Vegeta somehow managed to collide in the air, which snowballed into the entire Z crew rather unceremoniously crashing into the middle of the group.

The members of the crowd took off screaming; some of them weren't too lucky, and were hit by the falling fighters. When the dust settled (after an abnormally long time), a rather substantial number of what appeared to be teenagers were sprawled on the ground, unconscious. The rest were huddled over by a rectangular metal shed, staring wide-eyed at the strange assembly that made up our heroes.

Wasting no time, Bulma and ChiChi pulled out their ultimate weapons—the frying pans started flying. Barely-discernable screams were heard for miles, accented by the loud clangs of frying pans hitting Saiyan skulls. "You stupid…" "How could you do that!" "Are you trying to kill these poor people?" "Are you trying to kill _me_?"

The tirade was cut short by a man's voice over an intercom system at the top of the hill. "Have you two ever considered playing the cymbals?" The women froze and looked at a medium-height balding man running out towards them. "You two should really look into it. Actually, since you knocked out our cymbal players, would you mind just filling in? We need the practice." The man then turned to take a quick count of the unconscious on the ground. "Let's see…two flags, a trombone, one drum major, a trumpet, a flute, the clarinet section leader, one tuba, a snare, and the cymbals. Well, the rest of you will just have to fill in. We have a competition on Saturday, and it's supposed to rain tomorrow, so we're going to practice. Now grab the instruments and get going!"

Gohan was the first to step forward and picked up a long, thin brass instrument from where it was clutched in a short boy's fingers. "What's this?"

"A trombone," the balding guy (AN: his name is Mr. Nagel) beamed.

Two sets of cymbals found their way into Bulma and ChiChi's hands, and they found a large amount of delight in imagining how the metal plates could be used in place of frying pans for punishing temperamental Saiyans. Videl, in the meantime, pulled a large drum off of a blonde boy. It was very strange-looking, with a harness that went over the shoulders so that the black and white drum hung at about the waistline. There were also two thin white sticks, which she correctly assumed were for hitting the drum.

Eighteen didn't waste much time either, and selected a huge white instrument, pulling it over a large boy's shoulders. The tuba was actually quite light for her. Trunks, meanwhile, had claimed a trumpet from a blonde girl, who groaned and rolled over onto her back as the chibi took the instrument from her.

Krillen plucked a long, thin black instrument from a boy with glasses. As he pulled the clarinet out of the kid's hands, the kid also rolled over and said very softly, "Elmo…hurt…" Then he fell silent. Krillen did not comment, but just walked away, confused.

Goku and Vegeta each grabbed a silver pole, which proved to have a flag attached to the end. As they regarded these contraption with a certain degree of awe, Piccolo waited, then stepped forward and took the last instrument—something that looked like a miniature flute. He studied it carefully, then asked the balding guy what it was.

"That's a piccolo," Nagel answered.

Piccolo looked irritated. "I know what my name is, but what is this puny thing?"

"A piccolo," Mr. Nagel replied. 

The Namekian's jaw dropped, and he stared at the tiny thing, ignoring Goten, who was whining about not having an instrument. The balding man promptly announced that Goten was going to have to fill in for the unconscious drum major.

Once things were getting straightened out, they tried out their newfound instruments. It was interesting, to say the least. Goku and Vegeta kept themselves occupied by happily trying to beat each other senseless with their flagpoles.

Piccolo winced repeatedly as everyone else tried. Most failed miserably. Exasperated, the Namekian raised the tiny flute and began playing a rapid trill of clear sixteenth notes, up and down the scale. From there he went into something that soundly an awful lot like the melody of Mozart's 40th Symphony. When he was finished, he turned to look at his poleaxed friends, all of whom were staring at him in total shock, and smirked. "And you thought it was just a name."

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Unbeknownst to the Z fighters, inside the large metal shed nearby, two teenagers were having a hushed, yet frantic conversation.

"What are they doing here?"

"I don't know! Oh wait…the fic I started last night…"

"What?!?"

"Don't ask. Gimme a piece of paper. I have an idea to at least get through this rehearsal."

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Suddenly, the terrible noise of the Z senshi attempting to produce music became a gorgeous C major arpeggio (AN: I'm in all that is musical, so this makes sense to me. Sorry to all the musically-challenged peeps who might read and go "huh?"). The huddled teenagers breathed a loud sigh of quite obvious—and quite understandable—relief, especially as Gohan began playing the trombone melody from "Grenada Smoothie". Then everyone began dancing.

The unconscious were dragged off the field in the true spirit of "the show must go on" (and the fact that Mr. Nagel is a total fanatic!), and the rehearsal continued, and it was strange that the Z fighters seemed to suddenly know exactly where they needed to go and what they needed to play. It was quite odd. The only real mishap they had was on that Vegeta did NOT want to twirl the flag. Twirling a flag involved some dancing. And the Prince of the Saiyans did NOT dance. After a large number of threats and a pair of cymbals crashing right beside his ear (courtesy of Bulma), he grudgingly went along with it. All went well until the first flag toss; the two Saiyans put just a tiny bit too much push behind their poles, and the flag poles went flying very very high.

Okay, okay, the flags shot out of the Earth's atmosphere and went straight into orbit.

Goku chuckled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. "Oops!"

After the run-through was over, the Z senshi breathed an audible sigh of relief, which was cut short by a slightly familiar voice.

"Hey guys!" a voice called out of the group, and a brown-haired teenage girl came running towards them, flag pole in hand. Right behind her was another teenager, this one blonde and holding what looked like xylophone mallets.

"Oh no…not you!" Piccolo groaned.

"It can't be!" Vegeta stumbled back a few paces, looking panicked.

"And the other one! Not you too!" Krillen yelped.

It went downhill from there, and it wasn't long before the entire cast of Dragonball Z was running around in a panic, like chickens with their heads cut off, screaming at the top of their lungs. Things like, "she's a lunatic" and "that one made Chaot-zu save the day" and "CRAZY!" were heard quite clearly.

"Um, Candyland, what's with them?" Fred the Mutant Pickle asked in confusion.

"Beats me, Freddie. But I don't know what we're going to do with them!" the author sighed unhappily, then waved her arms in the air. "Hey, guys! Cool it!"

Goten approached the author timidly and tugged on the sleeve of her black sweatshirt. "Uh, excuse me Mrs. Author Lady, but where are we?"

The author smiled fondly. "Just call me Candyland, okay?"

The chibi looked suspicious. "Is that your real name?"

"Nope, it's my all-purpose handle," she answered with a grin. "See?" She pivoted so that the child could see where the word 'Candyland' was printed in white letters across the hood of her flag corp sweatshirt. "My real name is—"

"Hey brat!" Vegeta broke away from the group panic suddenly and snarled at the author. "Where the hell are we, anyway?"

"Okay, okay, I'll tell you. We call this place…"

AN: Haha…evil cliffie! I'm not gonna tell my real name! Sorry. Wanna know where they are? Check out the next chapter! Haha…I'm so evil sometimes I scare myself! This is where things are going to start happening, so stay tuned!

I'd also like to extend a sincere apology to the people I have listed as being unconscious because of the Z fighters' landing. I figured out who was gone when I wrote the story. They are: Staci, Curtis, G.B., Ogburn, Jakki, Eric (aka "Elmo"), Gomer, Sailer, and of course, the aptly-nicknamed "She Who Has More Boyfriends Than There Are Cards in a Deck." So sorry! Well…maybe not…


	5. We're WHERE?

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AN: And now we find out exactly where our semi-beloved heroes have ended up. We're moving on. In today's episode, the Z senshi can finally put themselves on the map. And guess what they get to spend their day doing? Oh joy, oh rapture! I don't own DBZ, nor do I own marching band, flag corp, Fred the Mutant Pickle, or any of the other groups/persons mentioned in this twisted tale.

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Chapter Four—We're WHERE?!?

"Where the hell are we?" Vegeta snarled at the two teenagers.

Candyland smiled. "Welcome to Iowa, Veggie boy."

Everyone except Gohan looked lost.

The author rolled her eyes. "Iowa. Ya know, one of the United States. We grow a lot of corn and soybeans and stuff? Ringing any bells?"

Gohan nodded fervently, while everyone still looked lost. Goku had just started drooling at the mention of corn. Fred the Mutant Pickle just groaned. "Goku, wipe that up, would ya?"

Candyland ignored the confusion and the puddle forming in the grass at Goku's feet and continued. "We're in the Northwest part of the state. It's pretty urban here. This is the marching band practice field, and at the top of that hill over there is a nice building. That's my high school."

"So we ended up in your city at your school? Is that it?" Bulma demanded. Upon affirmation, she gave the author a very suspicious look. "But how did we get here?"

The look on Candyland's face must have said it all, and the blue-haired woman groaned out loud. "You were writing another story, weren't you? Why can't you just leave us alone?"

"I got the first chapter written, and then I got distracted," the author shrugged, as if she really didn't care one way or another. "And besides, it's so much fun pulling this kinda stuff on you guys. Give me some credit for creativity here."

"No," Vegeta growled, but he was silenced by a stern look from Fred. Choosing self-preservation over invoking a fanfic writer's anger, he wisely changed the subject. "So what do we do now?"

Fred and Candyland exchanged a look, and finally the latter sighed and shrugged. "I really don't know. We have to go to school all day today. I'd have to take some time, sit down, and write you all back. But that's a pretty specific task, and that kind of time isn't something I really don't have right now." She cringed, then sighed again. "I guess you'll just have to come with one of us today."

Immediately, Candyland and Fred got into a nice argument as to who would be stuck with the strange assortment of fighters who had managed to land in the middle of the marching band practice field. After a long, loud struggle, Candyland threw her hands up in the air. "All right, I'll take em!"

Several cries of protest from the Z fighters met her ears, and she held up a hand to cut them all off. "No arguments. I don't like it either. Believe me, I have enough to worry about without having to drag you guys around, but there's just not another way. And anyway, band's over. The bell's gonna ring in about five minutes, so we'd all better head up to the school."

Everyone grudgingly agreed, and Goku walked forward and clapped a hand on the two teenagers' shoulders so hard that both were pushed over, ending up facedown in the dirt. Completely oblivious to the state of the two authors, he began talking. "Well, hey, I can get us up there in no time. Grab on." The whole gang held on, with the kids reaching down to grab the semiconscious teenagers.

An instant later, the whole gang was standing in the middle of the band room. A teenage guy with a few papers in his hand and a makeshift necklace made of a notecard that read "Office Worker" looked at them in shock, then slowly backed out of the room before turning and running down the hall.

Groaning, Candyland slowly staggered to her feet. "Ugh…did somebody get the number of that bus…oww…I'm okay…"

Fred was having a similar problem standing up, and began weaving all around the room. "Ooo…that really stings…ouch…"

Finally, they managed to climb to their feet, and both gave Goku an extremely angry glare. The Saiyan merely looked confused. "What? What did I do?"

Shaking their heads and rolling their eyes, the two teenagers stalked angrily out of the room, muttering something under their breath that not even Piccolo's superb Namekian hearing could _quite_ catch. And truth be told, none of them were absolutely certain that they wanted to hear what was going through the minds of the now-angry fanfiction authors.

Cautiously, the Z senshi followed the teenagers out into the hallway and watched Candyland open her locker and start pulling things out. The rest of the band students were just starting to trickle in from their long march up the sidewalk from the practice field to the school. (AN: It's about a three-minute walk, which is quite a bit when you're carrying three flags or a bass drum or a tuba) Within moments, the teenage girl had a bright yellow backpack slung over her shoulder, stuffed full of what Gohan guessed was books, the black sweatshirt that read "Flag Corp" down the sleeve, and a small gray purse. She'd also changed shoes, and was now looking at them in some manner of annoyance.

"Well, let's go," she sighed nervously as the bell rang, signalling the end of first period. A silent prayer raced through Candyland's mind as she headed towards the commons. _Please don't blow anything up…oh god, this is gonna be a long day…_

AN: Did anyone honestly peg that it was Iowa? And be honest. I have every right to write about the great state of Iowa because guess what? I LIVE HERE! As a matter of fact, I had an audition (yes, another one) for Northwest Iowa Honor Band today, and I made it, second chair. Ah, life—the big juggling act. But anyway, back on the story. I'll be changing some names and leaving others the same. But none of you know which names are real and which aren't. Mwahaha...I love being the author! So much power! Next chappie up soon. Toodles!


	6. Hard Lessons

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AN: Well, we're going to continue on with the next installment of this all-too twisted tale. This is probably the screwiest thing I've ever come up with. And it's only gonna get worse. Would you like to know what I mean? I can sum it up in four words: Vegeta, ki blast, cheerleaders. But that's not till later ^-^ No own DBZ, neither do you, so QUIT RUBBING IT IN MY FACE!!!!

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Chapter Five—Hard Lessons

The Z senshi followed Candyland down a long, wide room with a dozen or so long tables set up in it, and glass cases filled with pictures and trophies decorating the walls. Every few feet, they would have to move around a garbage can. There were students seated at random intervals at the tables; many of them gave Candyland and her little troupe strange looks as they moved by.

"This is called the commons," the author commented offhandedly. "They hold the dances and a few pep assemblies and stuff here. It's also the lunch room—"

"Lunch?" Goku's ears all but perked up at the mention of a meal.

Candyland ignored him. As they reached the far end of the room, she stopped walking and turned to look at the Z gang. "You guys are gonna hafta hang out here for the period. I'm tutoring, and it's hard enough to keep the two kids I tutor focused on their work all period without a whole bunch of strange people hanging around. So I want you to sit at that table and behave yourselves until next period. I'll be back out at 10:04 when the bell rings. Understood?"

Vegeta snorted. "Why should we?"

"Because," the author replied calmly, shooting a glance at Bulma and ChiChi, "I give Bulma and ChiChi free rein with their frying pans. You screw up, you get smacked with a nice heavy cast-iron cooking tool. Capeesh, Veggie Boy?"

While the two women all but started dancing in place, the Saiyan Prince—and everyone else, for that matter—looked quite disgruntled at the not-so-subtle threat. Confident that things would be kept under control, Candyland walked a few more feet and disappeared into a door marked 'Counseling Center,' leaving the bewildered Z crew to their own devices, under the watchful eyes and heavy frying pans of the formidable Bulma and ChiChi.

Boredom quickly set in, and they all began to talk amongst themselves. Piccolo chose to seperate himself somewhat from the group, and was hovering over by the wall, meditating. At one point, Goten and Trunks tried to sneak off and explore, but they were quickly spotted by Gohan, and their plans were foiled. In another instant, Goku and Vegeta came within a hair of getting into a sparring match in the middle of the room Candyland had called the commons. It took many threats from the frying pans to get the two Saiyans to calm down and sit back down again.

"ChiChi, I'm hungry!" Goku whined.

"But you ate that whole mountain of popcorn!" ChiChi protested, fuming over the actions of her younger son. "You're going to have to wait, Goku."

"Awww!" he groaned, then got up and started walking in a circle beside the table. "I'm bored. What time did she say she would be back out here?"

"Just after ten. That's still ten minutes away," Krillen replied. "So just keep cool. The wait's almost over. I wonder where we'll go next."

Eighteen shrugged. She really didn't care. She just wanted to go home. Master Roshi was babysitting Marron, and the android didn't want to leave her daughter in the care of that pervert for any longer than was absolutely necessary.

Suddenly, Goku stopped pacing and his jaw dropped. "Food!"

"Oh no," Gohan muttered, putting his head in his hands.

Son Goku had spotted the vending machines.

Two filled with a variety of snack foods and candy, four filled with nice cold bottles of soda pop.

Goku pressed his face up against the glass of one of the fooding vending machines and started whimpering. "Do you think Candyland would let us get something to eat?"

Vegeta just snorted. "Kakarott, you baka! That girl's trouble, I tell you. She's out to ruin our lives. I don't trust that brat at all."

"You don't have to trust her, Vegeta, but she's the only one who can get us back home," Videl pointed out matter-of-factly. "So try and be nice so she will write us back home, okay?"

Vegeta groaned and Vegeta grumbled, but in the end, Vegeta grudgingly agreed.

Meanwhile, everyone had stopped paying attention to Goku's activities, and the hungry Saiyan was taking full advantage of the fact. A small ki blast did the trick, and the vending machines were destroyed. Bottles of pop and packages of Pop-Tarts, candy bars, and other assorted food and beverage items were scattered across the tile floor.

All hell broke loose as all the Saiyans attacked the food, getting into a wrestling match with several teenagers who braved the fray to get their hands on some of that wonderful food and glorious caffeinated beverage. After all, caffeine was the most important object in any normal teenager's diet.

People came flooding into the commons, up to and including Candyland, who clapped her hands over her mouth in horror. "What are you doing?!?" she shrieked from behind her hands.

Meanwhile, Bulma and ChiChi descended upon the Saiyans with the wrath of God. The Almighty Frying Pans of Doom swung, and much screaming ensued.

A dull roar went up among the student body at the display. Candyland's hands dropped to her sides in helplessness as a voice caught her attention from nearby. "Hey!"

"Fred, I don't know what to do!" the author looked down at the brawl. "It's only second period!"

"Well, I think Bulma and ChiChi have things under control," Fred replied.

Candyland looked down. There were expletives coming out of that group sufficient to take the paint off a wall at one hundred feet. She put her hands over her eyes. _Maybe if I just close my eyes, they'll disappear. Yeah right. Fat chance._

"HEY!" Candyland screeched in her best stop-a-mob-at-full-roar voice. The commons immediately went silent, and the people thrashing around on the floor fell still, looking up at her with wide, somewhat frightened eyes.

Just then, the bell rang. The masses instantly began jostling and running into each other, trying to get to their next classes.

Suppressing the urge to strangle each and every one of them, Candyland growled through clenched teeth, "Get up. Next class. Now." With that, she turned on her heel and stormed down the hallway, with the wary Z senshi scrambling along behind her.

AN: Heehee. I know I'm really being cruel as far as Goku's intelligence is concerned, but it makes for easier writing because I can make him do a lot of really dumb things. It's funnier that way! Anyway, I'll post the next chapter soon. Ta-ta!


	7. The Joys of Reading

****

AN: Does anyone feel sorry for me yet? If you do, DON'T! IT'S JUST A STORY! IT'S NOT REAL! Anyway, moving on with third period, Advanced Placement English (otherwise known as A.P.). Oh the hilarity. This chapter features my third period teacher, henceforth known as Ms. C. She's not married, she's old, she's crazy, she's mostly deaf, and she has cats—need I say more? *sigh* I love her to pieces. Ms. C is awesome! But anyway, on with the story. I don't own DBZ.

****

Chapter Six—The Joys of Reading

They strolled a few feet down a white-walled hallway and into the first door on the left. The author proceeded to drop her things beside a desk and address the teacher. "Ms. C, we've got a few, um, friends of mine joining us for class today. Is that all right?"

The shriveled, rain-thin blonde woman smiled. "Oh, of course!" She turned to the gang. "Why don't you all take seats in that row over there while I get you books?

Eyeing the strange old woman and the students who were coming into the room with a certain degree of suspicion, they obeyed. It was quite amusing to watch ChiChi yelling at Piccolo, forcing him to sit in a desk. It was even more amusing to see the imposing seven-foot-tall Namekian occupying a fairly small, standard-sized high school desk. Candyland pulled out her copy of _Native Son,_ opened it, and laughed behind the book covers. Unfortunately, Piccolo heard her, and gave up on the desk, ignoring ChiChi's threats. He instead took a seat at the very back of the room in his typical meditation pose, floating a few inches off the ground.

Goten and Trunks, meanwhile, were lowering themselves into a sparring stance, encouraged by their fathers and chastised by their mothers. Then the blonde woman gave them each a thick object.

"Hey, Candyland?" Goku asked, turning the object around in his hands. "What is this thing?"

While everyone else groaned and/or rolled their eyes, the author shook her head. "It's called a book, Goku. This particular book happens to be the one we're reading in this class right now. It's called _Native Son_ by Richard Wright."

"Oh!" the Saiyan looked positively delighted.

__

Just kill me now. Please, Candyland prayed silently, letting her forehead come to rest on the desk. At the rate this was going, she wasn't going to survive this class period, let alone the whole day!

Finally, the rest of the class filtered in, and the announcements for the day came over the intercom. Most of the Z senshi listened to the booming male voice that echoed over the P.A. system. Vegeta and Piccolo looked more annoyed than anything else, while the students in the class laughed and made comments about someone named Mr. Weber.

As the announcements came to an end with the phrase, "It's a grrrrreat day to be a Raider!" (1), the elderly lady stepped to the front of the room, a red and gray book in her hand. "All right, like I said yesterday, we're going to briefly discuss the concept of irony in this book, and then you'll have the rest of the class period to read. Remember, you need to be finished with 'Flight' by tomorrow."

Without further ado, the class launched into discussion, and the Z senshi was left gawking, trying to figure out what in the name of Kami these teenagers were talking about. It had something to do with race and freedom, and every once in a while someone mentioned a murder or two, but outside of that, they were all completely stumped.

Gohan noticed that Candyland actually seemed to be a fairly intelligent person, raising her hand quite often and supplying answers when she could. (AN: I'm smart. I know I am. Not as smart as some, but smart enough. And I'm one of the only people in my freakin' English class that will actually volunteer answers willingly, so let me brag a little, ne?)

__

Hard to believe that she's the insane person who writes us into all these weird situations, he thought with more than a touch of irony.

"All right class, I'm going to give you the rest of the time to read," the crazy-looking blonde woman at the front of the room announced.

The class descended into silence, broken only by the occasional cough and the intermittent sound of a page turning.

Candyland pulled her attention away from her reading long enough to steal a glance at the assembled Z fighters in the next row. What she saw made her want to laugh, scream, and burst into tears, all at the same time.

Piccolo had abandoned his copy of the book in favor of meditation. ChiChi and Bulma were lovingly polishing their somewhat dented frying pans. Eighteen and Vegeta looked incredibly bored. Krillen and Goku had fallen asleep with their heads on the desktop (and in Goku's case, a nice little trail of drool was connecting his face to the desk). Gohan and Videl were sitting together quite cozily, sharing a copy of the book.

Biting back a groan, she glanced around in search of the chibis, and spotted them sitting on the floor up at the front of the room. Goten was quite comfortably seated cross-legged, holding the book up in front of his face. Candyland chuckled when she realized that he was attempting to read the book...

Upside down.

Trunks, on the other hand, had set his book on the floor, opened to a random page, and was proding it with his index finger. The author noticed a tiny sphere of light the size of a marble forming on the tip of his finger.

She stood up and walked to the front of the row, allowing her hand to casually connect with the back of the child's head in a nice smack. To cover herself, she continued up to the front of the room and plucked a tissue from the box on the teacher's desk. Then she strolled back to her seat, ignoring the dirty look the Trunks gave her as she moved past.

A few minutes before the class period was to end, the students began packing up and gathering their things to head for their next classes. The resulting noise stirred the slumbering Z senshi back to wakefulness. Goku was startled to find himself resting in a nice puddle of drool, and Krillen started complaining about his neck hurting from the position he'd fallen asleep in.

Several of the high school students were giving the assorted fighters very strange looks; Candyland just kept busy by pretending that she didn't know anything about any of them.

As the bell rang, Trunks finally lost it and set the book on fire. Luckily, the old blonde woman was out of the room, and didn't see it. For this, the chibi was several screamed at by his mother for several minutes, and was rescued only by the fact that the author dragged her away, insisting that they had to get to the next class on time. As Bulma left the room, Vegeta smirked and gave his son an approving nod while they all followed the teenager out of the room and down the hallway towards whatever might be waiting for them there.

Mr. Weber (who you'll meet during the choir chapter...oh the humanity...) always ends announcements that way. He's got a little too much school spirit...oh well. 

AN: *sigh* I can't believe I'm actually writing this thing. Oh well. It's fun to try and envision what my day would be like if I had to drag all these crazy people along with me...hmm...truthfully, I don't think my teachers would just take this whole thing in stride. They would be asking some questions. But that would be difficult to write out and difficult to explain. So I'm just going to have them accept it without question, k? Thanks!


	8. A History Video

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AN: Fourth period, Western Civ. My college-level European History class. I'm currently acing it ^-^ What will happen to our heroes in this hour? I know I'm making these kind of short, but there's only so much they can do inside a classroom, and I don't want anything to get blown up just yet. And now, a poem:

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A,B,C,D, LSD

Gummi bears are chasing me

One is red and one is blue

Yellow one just took my shoe

My shirt was stolen by the green

Why are the white ones all so mean?

A,B,C,D, LSD

I do not own DBZ!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

****

Chapter Seven—A History Video

It was a harried-looking teenager that entered Mr. W's classroom at the end of the Social Studies hallway. Trailing after the frazzled girl was a strange assortment of people. They drew quite a few stares as they all made themselves comfortable at the back of the room. Candyland sank into her desk, wishing desperately that a nice big black hole would just open up underneath her and swallow her whole. It was only fourth period, Western Civ, and at the rate the day was going, death would have been far easier than trying to get through her last two classes.

__

Oh well. At least I get out after fifth, she thought, grateful at that moment for tiny blessings. _If this had happened last year and I was stuck here for the full seven periods of the day, I probably would have jumped out of a second story window by now._

"Hey, Candyland," a tall, husky boy with spiky, bleach-blonde hair dropped into the vacant desk beside the author.

"Hey Bob. What's up?" she asked, managing a weak smile.

"Not much. Did you watch DBZ yesterday?" he asked with a grin.

"Yeah," Candyland sat back in her chair. "You know, I think I've figured out what Buu's problem is. It's the fact that he keeps cracking his neck like that. If he gets a good chiropractor for that neck problem of his, he'll be a good guy!" (AN: This really happens. Every day during fourth period one of my friends and I analyze the latest DBZ episode. Honest to God. It's our daily ritual. And in answer to the question running through all of your minds, no, I don't have much of a life outside of schoolwork, writing, and show choir. It's sad, isn't it?)

While the two teens enjoyed a nice laugh and went into discussion on the previous day's episode, the Z fighters were listening in the back of the room. They were bewildered, to say the least.

"How do they know about Buu?" Gohan asked in disbelief.

"And what the hell is a DBZ?" Piccolo chorused.

Apparently, the two students heard the startled questions and both turned. Bob's jaw fell open in amazement. "You're...you're...Piccolo?!? And everyone else?!? What the..."

The Namekian quirked an eyebrow, not sure how to respond. But Candyland just sighed and replied, "DBZ is the abbreviation of Dragonball Z. It's the TV show you star in." As if that explained everything, she turned back to her friend and renewed their conversation. Once again, the Z senshi were left in bewildered silence.

The bell rang, and a tall, middle-aged man with white hair came into the room. He strolled to the front of the room, apparently taking no real notice of the extra members of his class. At the podium in the corner of the room, he wrote something for a few seconds, then addressed the class. "All right, can I have your undivided for just a minute? All right, we're going to continue with the movie today. What I want you to get out of this is a feel for the way the Battle of Thermopylae went and how wars were fought in the time of Ancient Greece. So we're gonna start up the movie again." With that, he bent over and fiddled with the buttons on the VCR. (AN: The movie is called "300 Spartans". It was made, like, in the sixties. I slept through half of it and didn't pay attention to the other half. It was soooo goofy!)

When the lights in the classroom went out, the lights of about half the students in the room went out as well. Most of the guys zonked out with their heads on their desks, while the majority of the girls sprawled out on the floor, speaking to each other in hushed, high-pitched whispers.

Goten and Trunks stared at the TV screen, completely enthralled, for about ten seconds. Then Goten leaned over to his best friend and whispered, "Trunks, I wanna watch Pokèmon!"

"I doubt they get cable in this place," the eight-year-old whispered back.

Vegeta, meanwhile, spent his time studying the fighting tactics of the armies, and muttering something about "primitive" and "pathetic fighters" and the like. Bulma hissed at him to be silent, and a small vocal argument broke out between the two, ending only when a frying pan emerged from the mysterious pocket where all frying pans stay while not in use. Said kitchen implement entered a crash course with Vegeta's skull. Vegeta shut up. Thus ended the argument.

Suddenly, Goku nudged the Saiyan Prince, who was not amused, and pointed to a desk near the front of the room, where Candyland was sitting.

Or rather, sleeping.

The teenaged author had fallen asleep with her head pillowed quite nicely on her arms.

"We could get out of here!" Krillen suggested excitedly, but a stern look from the women of the group very quickly squashed _that_ idea. Piccolo just rolled his eyes and resumed his meditation. Gohan looked blank for a second, then shrugged and followed his mentor's example. Videl just took a desk and watched the movie. Seconds later, the older women decided that she had the right idea, and also grabbed seats to watch the two Roman armies beating the crap out of each other in *cough* realistic battle scenes.

It was maybe ten minutes later that someone realized that the two children were MIA.

"Krillen!" Goku whispered nervously. "Where are Goten and Trunks?"

"Right...there..." his voice trailed off as he noticed that the spot the chibis had occupied only moments ago was now quite vacant. Anxiety immediately set in. Luckily, none of the women had noticed.

"Kakarott, try and sense them," Vegeta ordered. If anything happened that involved Trunks, it was _his_ neck that was in danger. "Then you can do your Instant Transmission thing and bring them back before the women notice that anything's wrong."

"Gotcha," Goku replied. Then he fell silent, and his face twisted in concentration. After a few tense seconds, he grinned. "Got 'em." Putting two fingers to his forehead, his expression once again contorted as he focused. And in an eyeblink, he was gone.

A very short moment later, he appeared again, in exactly the same spot, but with two very disgruntled-looking chibis accompanying him. Trunks was holding onto Goku's leg with a ticked-off expression on his face, and Goten was tucked safely under his father's arm, looking frightened. Goku just looked amused as he set them down and whispered to his friends, "They found another candy machine in that room we were first in when we got here. That big room with the instruments. I got there just in time to keep them from blowing it up to get at all the Runts."

"Whatever," Vegeta rolled his eyes to symbolize how little he cared, and turned his attention back towards the vicinity of the television screen.

Half an hour later, Candyland stirred, then opened her eyes, blinked owlishly a few times, then sat up and stretched her arms over her head while yawning. "Is the class over yet?"

"Nope," the girl sitting behind her whispered with a smile. "I wish it was. I get out after this."

"I've got choir, and then I'm free," Candyland said, stretching again and rolling her head back to look over her shoulder at the clock on the wall. "Less than five minutes till the bell rings. Please let this day be over soon!"

Mr. W seemed to notice that attention was waning, and stopped the movie, pausing to make a few comments in regards to a test over ancient Greece and a possible essay question over the battle highlighted in the movie. Many a groan followed those words.

"I don't see why they're getting so worked up over," Gohan looked perplexed. "It's just a test. And history's probably the easiest subject in existence."

"Yeah," Videl poked him in the arm. "For you. Not for all of us normal people who don't study twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. You're just too smart for your own good."

Gohan blushed and muttered a disclaimer, but it was lost in the dull roar of conversation amongst the students in the class. Candyland had resumed her conversation with the guy she'd called Bob. They seemed to be discussing the movie; words such as 'cheesy' and 'bad special effects' were heard.

Finally, the bell rang, and a more relaxed-looking author slung her backpack over her shoulder, looped her purse over her arm, grabbed the green water-bottle off the desk, and strolled out of the room. The Z gang scampered after her, more than a little freaked out. After all, they really didn't know where they were. At the rate things were going, anything could happen in this crazy place!

AN: Hehehe...I'm so evil...hehehe...next period, choir, next chapter up soon!


	9. A Vocal Warmup

****

AN: Well, we're on to one of my favorite things on the planet—choir. I love choir. I love it a lot. Just for the record, everything that's happening today is taking place on a Thursday. This is important because of scheduling issues within the story. Okay, all set? Onward to Chapter 8! Own DBZ I do not.

****

Chapter Eight—A Vocal Warmup

"No, it is NOT lunchtime!" Candyland had to use physical force (and borrow ChiChi's frying pan) to get the Saiyan members of the party away from the commons, where first lunch was in full swing. "We have another class before we can go eat! Now get moving!"

Grudgingly, the hungry aliens and demi-aliens followed the author into the hallway that they'd started the day out in, but instead of going into the room with all the instrument in it, they entered the room across the hall. It was about the same size, with a tiered floor, a plethora of chairs set up in rows along the curved steps of the floor, and a big cabinet filled with numbered folders and binders. Candyland walked up to said cabinet and grabbed the folder numbered 64 before taking a seat in the front row.

"You guys are just gonna hafta wait and find out where Webdog wants ya," she said casually, opening up her folder and pulling out something thick and gray with large black writing on the front. "He'll put you in sections and give you somewhere to stand."

The students filed in, and when the bell rang, there were probably close to eighty students occupying the chairs in the room, each with a binder resting in his or her lap. Seconds later, a young man in his late twenties came strolling out of an office in the back of the room and down to the piano on the bottom tier of the floor, where he sat down and played a chord. "Hello, students! Stand up, start warmups!"

"Umm, hey, Weber?" Candyland tiptoed up to the piano while everyone else jumped to their feet. "I've got a couple of friends who are gonna be joining us today. It's just for the day, so can you give them a section and a place to stand?"

"I suppose," he looked at the strange assembly of fighters and seemed to think. "Well, let's hear you guys sing." 

It didn't take long for the choir director to sort everyone into their appropriate sections: Goten was sent to stand amidst the young women of the first soprano section; Videl joined the ranks of the second sopranos; Trunks and Eighteen were placed in the alto I section, and Bulma and ChiChi ended up in with the second altos. For the guys, Krillen somehow wrangled a tenor I spot; Goku and Gohan were tossed in with the second tenors; finally, Piccolo and Vegeta ended up in the back row amidst the basses. (1)

Candyland looked back, and grinned. Sitting in a row in the bass section were Piccolo, Adam, and Vegeta. All three were sitting low in their chairs, arms folded, heads down, expressions shuttered. (2)

Meanwhile, Weber was eyeing the newcomers with interest. "Well, I need to know your names...huh? Oh, thanks," he said as Candyland jumped up and slipped him a list of the Z senshi. "Okay, let's see here...Goku?"

"Oh! That's me!" Son Goku jumped up and waved his hand in the air. "Hey, is it lunchtime yet?"

"No, it's not lunchtime," the director said without missing a beat, and continued. "Gohan?"

Gohan raised his hand. Weber looked at him and grinned. "Okay, show choir guys, look back there. _That_ is what your hair should look like for show choir." Gohan looked the tiniest bit uncomfortable, and shifted nervously in his seat.

"Goten?"

"Oh! Me! And I have a question!" the chibi stood up on his chair. "What are all these funny little black things on this paper?"

"That would be music, and those would be the music _notes_," Weber said matter-of-factly, while Goten oohed and aahed. "Let's see...Vegeta?"

"Stay out of my way, and I will spare your miserable life."

Weber eyed the Saiyan in amusement. "You look like a Troll doll!" he said loudly, making a goofy face. "Cut your hair!" (3)

While Vegeta snarled in anger, Weber moved on. "Trunks?"

"Yeah," the demi-Saiyan looked bored.

Weber moved out from behind the piano and took a good look at him. "What kind of a name is Trunks? And I hate to tell you this, kid, but the Beatles' look is NOT in." He patted Trunks on the head and returned to the list, unaware of the death glare being shot his way. "Let's see...Krillen?"

"Yo!" the short guy stuck a hand in the air.

Weber's eyes widened. "Dude...where's your nose?"

Krillen looked ticked. The director took the hint and moved on. "Umm...this can't be right, but...Number Eighteen?"

"Here," the blonde bombshell tilted her head slightly.

The directory chortled. "Well, I guess we know what folder number you get!" He laughed loudly, then went back to the list, still chuckling. "Videl?"

"Me," the teenage girl stuck her hand in the air timidly. Apparently, Weber couldn't find anything to tease her about, and went on down the list.

"Bulma? ChiChi?" He passed over both of those without comment, and came to the last name on the list. "Umm...someone named Piccolo?"

"Yes," the Namekian did the same as Eighteen, signaling his presence with a nod of the head.

"What kind of a name is Piccolo? God, you people..." Weber's voice trailed off as he took a good look at the alien in the back row, sitting between Adam and Brandon. "Umm...are you feeling all right? You look a little green. Maybe you should go see the nurse—"

"Weber, he always looks like that," Candyland cut in. She looked very nervous; actually, she'd started sweating as soon as the first comments were made. _So much for a normal class period. I knew this would be a disaster! Maybe we'll be able to get through this without anything getting destroyed..._

Satisfied with the attendance, Weber pulled out a thick red binder and removed a thick piece of music. "Okay, everyone. Take out _In The Beginning._ We'll start at the beginning. Hey, that's a joke!"

As everyone laughed at their director's lame wisecrack (4), Candyland put her face in her hands. _Someone kill me...please..._

Author's Notes (there were a lot, so I did it like this):

For those of you who don't know, in most standard mixed choirs, voicings are fairly simple; the female voices go as follows from highest to lowest: soprano I, soprano II, alto I, alto II. The men's voices are as follows from highest to lowest: tenor I, tenor II, baritone, bass. Sometimes instead of using the numbers 1 and 2, they're called firsts and seconds. Just wanted to clear that up. Altos rule. Adam is a guy at my school. On the rare occassions when we get him to talk, he's freakin' hilarious. But the rest of the time, he kinda acts like Piccolo. It's scary, I tell you. Just for the record, this is the way my choir director usually acts. He lives to make fun of people. But he usually doesn't have Saiyans in his class. I hope you can kind of understand his personality. Weber makes a lot of dumb jokes, but he makes a lot of good ones too. 

Weber's weird. What else will choir bring? More Weberisms? Will he push one of the Z senshi too far? Will Candyland's sanity remain intact? Wait...I have sanity? Oh, never mind. The show must go on!


	10. In the Beginning

****

AN: On with choir! What will happen when they actually have to *gasp* ...sing? Oh the humanity. Actually, I'm more concerned about my own sanity as far as this fic goes. But anyway, on with the story. I don't own DBZ, Aaron Copland, _In the Beginning_, a choir, a machine gun, a chameleon named Joe, an icee machine, and...am I getting carried away?

**** ****

Chapter Nine—In the Beginning

When Weber announced that everyone needed to take out the piece called _In the Beginning_ (1)**_, _**all the students began rummaging around in their folders, and eventually pulled out a thick piece of music. Half the students had old, worn copies of an undetermined beige color, often with the covers missing or falling off; the other half had brand new copies with laminated covers and crisp pages.

The Z gang figured that it would be much easier to just go along with everyone else and made their way over to the cabinet to secure binders for themselves. Then they pulled out the music, just like everyone else, and stared at it in confusion.

"Okay, our soloist doesn't have a voice," Weber shot a sad glance at a dark-haired girl in the front row of the soprano section, who was jumping up and down in frustration. "So we'll just do our best to cover for her, okay?"

"Don't worry about it," someone in the back spoke up. "It's handled."

Mr. Weber looked confused, but just shrugged and counted off the song.

A gorgeous soprano voice came from the back row. Everyone whirled around to stare at Piccolo, who was singing in a clear, beautiful falsetto. "In the beginning..."

Slowly, as everyone managed to reattach their jaws to their faces, the other voices joined in. After a few pages, Vegeta took over the solo in an equally lovely soprano.

Halfway through, around page thirty-two (out of fifty-six—it's a long song), Videl started shaking her head, a look of intense frustration and confusion on her face. "Wait, what's up with this? What are they talking about? God made the firmament and the waters? Seed bearing fruit? What the hell is this?"

Weber looked at Videl as if she'd grown wings, horns, and a tail. "What do you mean 'what is this?' It's the Bible!"

"What's a Bible?" she demanded, jabbing a finger at the music. "This doesn't make any sense!"

To her surprise, he began to laugh. "You don't know what the Bible is?!?" When she nodded, he laughed even harder. "Oooo, look at Miss Tough Girl!" Thus, he began mocking Videl's confusion. (2)

Goku shot a glance at Gohan. The demi-Saiyan's eyes were rapidly flashing from black to green. Needless to say, this somewhat worried Goku.

"Hey! You leave my future daughter-in-law alone!" ChiChi yelled at him.

"Yeah, back off, buddy!" Bulma chimed in, brandishing her frying pan threateningly, completely forgetting that they were in a public school where such things were not allowed.

The director's eyes came to rest on the two furious women standing amidst the second altos. Apparently, he noticed something else, because he then said to Bulma, "Hey...don't you think you're a little old to be in high school?"

Had he known Bulma better and seen _that_ particular look on her face, he would have run screaming as fast as he could in the other direction. In the back row, where the three stone-faced ones (Piccolo, Adam, and Vegeta) were sitting, the sound of snickering could be heard. Namely, Vegeta.

Then Weber turned to ChiChi, who was enraged. "Uh, why are you glowing?"

Indeed, Son ChiChi had managed to surround herself with a fierce red aura. She looked just short of demonic. And it only got more interesting when she reached into her trusty astral pocket and pulled out one of her many handy dandy weapons. Apparently she had also forgotten that machine guns are not allowed in public schools. Or perhaps she remembered, but she just didn't care as she chased the hapless choir director screaming out of the room.

The minute they were gone, the room burst into a lively buzz of conversation. They'd all seen a lot of stuff happen in the choir department—it was a magnet for the unexpected—but nothing like this! And there was a big difference between throwing Mr. Weber into the hotel swimming pool after winning a show choir competition, and chasing him down with a semiautomatic!

The Z senshi just looked around for a while, than noticed that Candyland and Fred the Mutant Pickle had tiptoed out the door. They quickly followed suit.

Outside in the hallway, the two teenage authors were pretty much desperate. "What do we do, Freddie? I'm at a loss! And it's been like this all day!"

"Don't worry, we'll think of something," Fred sighed with a shake of the head. "Hey, why don't you just take them home with you?"

"But—" Candyland started to protest, but Fred interrupted her.

"I'll talk to Kathy, and see if she can go over to your house after school to help you out," Fred leaned against the wall with folded arms. "She's smart, she knows the show, and she knows fanfics. Between the two of you, handling those guys should be a piece of cake."

"Okay. It's a plan," Candyland assented, then cast a glare over her shoulder at ChiChi, who was strolling casually back down in the hallway, the gun returned to its dimensional pocket for safekeeping. The other members of the gang had also filtered into the hallway. "You know what, guys? We're going to my house. I've got a friend who'll be over in a while to help us out. And if you do anything else to ruin my life, I will not be responsible for what I do to you in my next fic!"

With those angry words, the author turned on her heel and marched out the door. Everyone straggled along behind her.

Author's Notes:

_In the Beginning_ is an Aaron Copland piece. It's fifty-six pages long with no repititions. Translation: EVIL!!!! It also happens to be based on the text of Genesis, the first book of the Bible, about how God created the Earth, the heavens, and all living things. In case anyone was wondering, I am Catholic, and I am very firm in my religion, but I do respect all religions. One of my best friends is Methodist, and the other is a practicing Wiccan (which is not devil-worship, thank you very much!) I won't preach to you if you don't preach to me, but I love theological discussions. Okay, I'm done rambling. Geez...this was just supposed to be an author's note! Good grief...I talk too much... Okay, Weber's not _that_ cruel, but he is a fairly religious guy, and he does like to tease his students. But he wouldn't be this bad. I just had to write it that way because I wanted Gohan to get PO'd. K? 

Ah, my regular school day is over. So what will happen next? Will Kathy be able to help? Find out in the next insane episode of "I Wish You To the Cornfield"! Okay, majorly ripping off the TV show, there, but that's okay!


	11. Meet Kathy

****

AN: Howdy! Chapter ten here. But I guess you probably figured that out already, huh? Ah, whatever. Anyhoo, I'm not going to be posting anything much for the next couple days because we've got show choir choreography. We fly the guy in from Chicago to make up our dances for us. Tomorrow is from 6-10, Friday is 3:30-10, and Saturday is 8-12, 1-5, 6-10. It's gonna suck. Royally. But enough of my b**ching, on with the story! No ownie the show, nope nope nope, I don't.

****

Chapter Ten—Meet Kathy

__

I'm going to die, Candyland decided, dropping her backpack and purse on the floor and falling onto the loveseat in the living room. The Z senshi followed her in, looking around in awe and bewilderment at the strange setup of the house around them.

"If you guys blow anything up or destroy anything before Kathy gets here, I will do worse than kill you," the author announced, her voice somewhat muffled due to the fact that her face was buried in a couch cushion. "I will write away all of your powers, and then I'll put you in a Pokèmon story, and I will make absolutely certain that Pikachu kicks all of your butts. Then I will get Fred the Mutant Pickle to write a sequel to _Dragonball Zeros_. Then I will write you into a neverending opera, completely with screechy, off-pitch soprano. Comprende?"

After deciphering the muffled words, the fighters unanimously agreed. "So what are we gonna do until this friend of your shows up?" Bulma asked.

"Keep yourselves occupied. I really don't have anything for you to do."

Piccolo, meanwhile, had wandered over to a sliding glass door at the back of the house, and had stepped out onto the porch, where he proceeded to resume his meditation. Peace and quiet at last.

ChiChi and Bulma meandered into the kitchen, and after a brief search, located the cupboard which held the Almighty Frying Pans. The two women sat on the floor and examined the pans lovingly, nearly turning green with envy at the sight of a large, heavy skillet with a nice glass lid. It was the Kami of all frying pans—it even had a nonstick surface!

Videl discovered a room with a computer in a back bedroom, and with a little help from Candyland, went online. But she managed to stumble onto a Dragonball Z site, and spent the next hour trying to make heads or tails out of it.

Krillen fell asleep on the couch in the family room, while Eighteen just sat down and looked around. She was bored, but there was nothing really interesting to do.

Gohan, who still had the copy of _Native Son_ that the crazy blonde lady had given him, opted to sit down and finish reading it. He spent the next hour completely absorbed in the book.

The kids, for some reason, followed Krillen's example and zonked out on the family room floor. It was incredibly adorable, but for some unknown reason, it made the author very nervous. The chibis were never, ever that quiet!

Candyland's patience nearly went out the window concerning Goku and Vegeta, though. The two Saiyans simply could not sit still. They wanted to spar! And somehow, the author knew that if those two tried to have a sparring match, her house could very well end up demolished, most likely accompanied by most of her neighborhood and half the city. Finally, she got them both to calm down by introducing them to a very cool idea—Nintendo 64.

More specifically, Super Smash Brothers.

Ah, the wonders of competition.

The two Saiyans immediately launched into the Super Smash Bros. tournament of the century, having been warned that if anything happened to the machine, it would come out of their hides. And so Candyland was left to her own thoughts. Most of which were nervous, paranoid fantasies of Saiyans flying around over her city and buildings being blown up.

Finally, an hour later, the doorbell rang. Candyland got up and left the room, where Vegeta and Goku were having an argument as to who had *really* won the last fight. Vegeta insisted that there was no possible way for Goku's Jigglypuff to beat Vegeta's Link, and Goku insisted that it was very possible. His cute little Jigglypuff had put Link to sleep, and then had simply thrown him off the platform. But Vegeta was fuming. Saiyan Princes always won at Super Smash Brothers!

The author flung open the door to greet her friend—a petite blonde with wide blue eyes carrying a backpack and a load of books. "Thank God you're here! If you didn't have early out today, I don't know what I would have done! I'm gonna go crazy!"

"Let's see what we can do," Kathy stepped inside, dropped her stuff, and eyed the situation. "Oh good grief...how the heck did you pull this off?"

"I didn't know they would end up here!" Candyland protested. "We have to figure out what to do about it. They need to be written back into their own place, and right now, I don't have time to sit down and figure this out. Homework, dinner, and show choir rehearsal tonight. I'll be lucky if I get time to sleep!"

"I know, I know, I'm in show choir too," Kathy replied. "And I have plenty of homework too. Do you think you can put up with them until tomorrow?"

"If I lock them in the shed overnight, maybe."

"Okay, do whatever."

"The biggest problem I can see," Candyland sighed, "is actually show choir. I can't miss practice, but I can't leave these guys by themselves with my parents and my sister. Something will happen, I just know it. And I'll be in huge, _huge_ trouble. So I'm gonna hafta take them to practice with me."

"Oh no!" Kathy groaned, pressing a hand to her forehead. "Well...we are running short of people. It's flu season, and everyone's sick."

"The tuberculosis choir again (1)," Candyland agreed. "Nobody can sing because of sore throats, clogged sinuses, and bad coughs. Welcome to the world of the Headliners."

"Maybe it'll be okay."

"Yeah, maybe. Just like the vending machines were fine second period."

"Oh yeah, that."

"You heard?"

"Um, I think everybody knows about that."

"Crap."

"Hey, it's not that bad. Really, it could be worse," Kathy said cheerfully. Candyland gave her fellow teenager a look that could have frozen water, and Kathy noticed. "Well, um, we've both got homework, right? Let's get that done first, and then we'll figure out what we're gonna do about these guys. Sound good?"

"Okay..."

The two teens wandered into the kitchen, where Gohan had made himself quite comfortable and was happily reading. He lifted his eyes as the girls entered and plunked down into chairs beside the table.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked conversationally. "You two look sad enough to make my Dad depressed. Problem?"

"Yeah, and I hate to tell you this, but it's you guys," Candyland replied unhappily. "Maybe not you specifically, but for God's sake, Gohan, your father blew up our school's vending machines, and our chances of getting new ones are approximately equal to a snowball's chance in hell. I'm probably going to get fined for the book that Trunks set on fire. Plus, you guys knocked out a bunch of band people, chased our choir director out of the room with a machine gun, just generally made spectacles of yourselves in front of the entire student body, and I still have a rehearsal to go to tonight. Are you seeing my frustration here?"

"I understand," Gohan nodded. "But I don't think we like it any more than you do. At least, I know I don't! I wanna go home."

"Well, we're gonna do our homework, have supper, and then tackle that problem. Deal?" Kathy dropped her rather sizable pile of books onto the table.

"What do you have for homework?" Gohan asked, setting his book down and listening while both girls rattled off their various assignments.

"Want some help?" he asked amiably. Upon affirmation, the three teenagers got to work.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Psst! Goten!" Trunks hissed. He'd woken up a few minutes ago on a nice soft carpet in what looked like someone's living room. After a few minutes of wracking his memory, he remembered that they'd gone to Candyland's house. Now he was trying desperately to wake up his best friend.

But for some reason, Goten just wasn't cooperating. He just rolled over and went back to sleep.

"Oh brother..." Trunks thought for a minute, then grinned, leaned down, and whispered into Goten's ear. "Hey Goten...it's dinnertime."

The second word was barely out of his mouth before the dark-haired chibi was all of a sudden very much awake. "Food? Where?"

Trunks groaned and sat up. "Forget about it. Let's check this place out!"

"Oh...okay!" Goten allowed himself to be led by his best friend. The two children tiptoed through the kitchen, somehow managing to avoid being seen by everyone. They weren't quite sure how that miracle came to be, but they weren't going to argue. Around the corner by the refrigerator, they found a staircase leading down to a dimly-lit basement. Now, a dimly lit basement usually meant many opportunities to create mayhem and chaos, and those two devilish demi-Saiyans weren't about to pass up an opportunity to make trouble! Together, they snuck down the stairs, finding themselves in a large room with a cement floor. (2) Several recliners, end tables, and a couch were arranged around the room.

"Whoa..." Goten looked around. "Hey, look!"

The chibi was pointing at a door with several pictures taped to it. Trunks looked at the door for a second before offering his verdict. "Let's check it out."

"Yeah!"

Slowly, the chibis pushed the door open and peered inside. It was a very messy bedroom; there were clothes and stuff everywhere. "Wow..." they both said.

The two children tiptoed in, closing the door behind them, and began looking around at all the various things in the room. There was all sorts of weird items in there. At least, weird for two children of the DBZ universe. It was Goten who found the CD player on the floor by the bed. After twisting a few dials, he pushed a big round button...and music—very _loud_ music—began playing.

__

"NOTHING IS AN ACCIDENT...WE ARE FREE TO HAVE IT ALL...WE ARE WHAT WE WANT TO BE...IT'S IN OURSELVES TO RISE OR FALL...THIS IS EASY TO BELIEVE...WHEN DISTANT PLACES CALL TO ME... (3)

"AHHHH!" Goten shrieked, clasping his hands over his sensitive Saiyan ears at the noise.

Across the room, Trunks, who was peering into a closet, did the same. "Goten, what did you do?"

"Nothing!" the dark-haired chibi protested, but both were silenced when loud thumps were heard on the ceiling above. "Uh-oh..."

The thumps moved over them, then seemed to come from the wall beside them, until finally the clatter of shoes on the concrete floor outside before the door was flung open. A very angry author was standing there, flanked by two very angry mothers and a very amused friend.

"What...are...you...doing...?" Candyland growled, taking two steps into the room.

The chibis cowered by the closet door. "N-n-n-nothing! Honest!" Trunks whimpered, slightly embarassed that he was so afraid of this...this woman, this _author_. Oh, if his father saw him now...he'd never hear the end of it...

From above them came some loud yelling. "I have defeated you, Kakarott!" "No way! You cheated!" "The Saiyan Prince will dominate!" Some slightly muffled thumps came next, followed by a loud crash and more yelling.

Candyland whirled around and screamed at the ceiling. "Everything had better be in one piece up there or you know what I'll do to you!"

Silence.

"I think I'll go check it out," the author muttered, storming out of the room and up the stairs. Kathy followed close behind, snickering at her friend, ignoring Candyland's request for her to shut up. This left the two chibis to their mothers.

ChiChi took the initiative. "Okay, you two. What in the name of Kami did you think you were doing?" she demanded angrily.

"We were just looking around..." Goten answered meekly.

Bulma stepped in then. "Upstairs. Now."

The children didn't need to be told twice. They dashed up the stairs just in time to see Candyland and Kathy arguing with Goku and Vegeta over the TV. Of course, the teenagers won and took seats, having turned off the N64 and changed the channel.

"TV time!" Candyland chirped happily.

"What are we watching?" Gohan sat down next to them. He'd finished the book, so he had nothing to do at the moment.

"Umm...you'll see," the author replied. "Ooo...I can't wait!"

Seconds later, an opening to a TV show flashed across the screen. The characters all stared in confusion at the images. Finally, a voice began speaking.

"On the last episode of Dragonball Z, it was Vegetto versus Majin Buu..."

"What the..." Vegeta growled in disbelief. "That...what the..."

"Wow! Hey look, Vegeta! That's us!" Goku said cheerfully, pointing towards the screen. "How did they know about our fusion? And Buu too?"

"Weird..." Bulma muttered. "Hey! Where's Videl?"

"Oh, she's in the computer room," Candyland replied without taking her eyes from the screen. "Just go down the hall. You'll find her."

Gohan immediately took off in search of Videl, while ChiChi began murmuring happily about weddings and grandchildren. Everyone else just shook their heads at the woman's maunderings and watched the television screen with befuddled interest. After all, this was _them._

"Hey, guys, Gohan said I had to see—whoa!" Videl came around the corner and stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of the onscreen images. "Hey! That's us!"

"Yeah, we know," Eighteen muttered as Piccolo stepped inside. The Namekian looked at the screen, blinked, and walked right back out onto the porch, muttering something about everyone being insane. No one chose to contest that viewpoint.

"Oh man," Gohan muttered under his breath. "What else could happen today?"

"Just you wait, Gohan," Candyland apparently heard him and replied. "We've still got another rehearsal to go to tonight. Show choir. I think you'll find it most interesting."

Show choir will be explained in the following chapters, so I won't go into it in this note. The nickname of the tuberculosis choir came into being a couple years ago when everyone was basically hacking their lungs up through practice, and nobody could sing at all because of sore throats and sinuses and stuff. We live in Iowa, where cold and flu season is just a fact of life. Last year, a water pipe eroded away in our basement and they ripped up the carpet and took a jackhammer to our basement floor. To make a long story short, they had to tear up most of our basement (including my bedroom floor) to replace the pipe. I still don't have carpet in my room. I'm not the most organized person on the planet, okay?!? And this song is "Fortune Favors the Brave" from _Aida_, a musical by Elton John and Tim Rice. It sounds weird, but it's an awesome song. I am a Broadway freak. 

AN: Whoa, this was a lot longer than I'd planned. Oh well. Hehehe...next chappie, show choir rehearsal! What exactly is show choir? And why is the thought of writing our beloved Z senshi into it so funny? You'll find out in the next exciting installement of "I Wish You to the Cornfield"! Oh, and BTW, if you need a read, try anything by **PurePsychicEspeon**. Amazing author. Top picks of mine are _Inside the Child's Heart _and _Sibling Rivalry._ Enjoy!


	12. Another Rehearsal?

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AN: *Candyland is hunched over at her computer* Owie...I'm in a slight amount of pain. Show choir choreography weekend just got over. We worked from 6-10 Thursday night, from 3:30-10 Friday night, and from 9-9 on Saturday. Figuring in dinner breaks, that's about twenty hours straight of dancing. I'm a tiny bit sore right now...so what am I going to write about? The DBZ cast at show choir practice! *sigh* I think there's something seriously wrong with this picture...oh well. On with the story. And just as a side note, since we don't have our entire show for this year put together, I'm using last year's.

****

Disclaimer: Me no own DBZ. Me no own my high school. Me no own the persons/parties/songs mentioned hereafter. And me definitely no own the Headliners (the greatest show choir in Iowa!!!!)

****

Chapter Eleven—Another Rehearsal?!?

"Why are we coming back here?" Videl queried as the odd assembly followed Candyland and Kathy back into the school building.

"Practice," Kathy replied. "We've got a show choir rehearsal."

"Geez, how many rehearsals do you people have?" Goku asked, rubbing the back of his neck. "That thing with the instruments, the thing with the singing, and now something else?"

"Band, choir, and show choir, Goku," Candyland rolled her eyes, but since her back was to Goku, he couldn't see it. She was usually pretty easygoing, but these guys were almost too much.

"So what exactly is this show choir thing?" Piccolo asked, looking bored.

"You'll see," Candyland called back over her shoulder as she and Kathy disappeared into the building through a side door. The others quickly followed, and found themselves back in the hallway where the band and choir rooms were. A few people were milling around; two young men, wearing black tuxedos with black vests and blue ascots around their necks, and one girl clad in a long blue skirt under short black sequined dress that was rolled up in the front, and a blue shoulderpiece. (1)

"Uh, we're not gonna hafta dress like that, are we?" Krillen asked nervously.

Candyland shook her head. "Nope. But Kathy and I do. You guys can go hang out in the choir room while we get ready. And remember, don't—"

"Blow anything up, got it," Gohan interrupted, steering his father and brother towards the door. Goten and Trunks had actually managed to behave themselves since their excursion into the author's bedroom. That was more from the fact that they were afraid of their mothers and the teenager than anything else. Everyone was keeping a close eye on those two.

The Z senshi huddled in a corner of the room where only hours ago, ChiChi had chased a man out with a machine gun. About fifteen teenage guys were meandering around, all clad in the same outfits as the two that had been in the hallway earlier.

"I wonder if they expect us to wear stuff like that," Vegeta growled.

"I hope not," Trunks added, imitating his father's stance and facial expression perfectly. Though Vegeta never would have admitted it, at that moment, he was pretty darn proud of his son.

"Those dresses are just lovely," ChiChi sighed as one girl walked in wearing the blue and black ensemble. "I wonder what exactly a show choir is."

A short kid with light hair and glasses wandered over, and stopped to gape in amazement when he saw Vegeta. Then, without warning, he leaned over and began petting Vegeta's hair. "Oh my gawd! I love your hair! How do you get it to stay like that?"

Goku grinned. "Well, we use Super Anti-Gravity Stuff hair products."

Vegeta, however, was not amused. Vegeta did not like being petted. Vegeta proceeded to hold out a hand and Final Flash the pest into another dimension. So Austin died again. (2)

As the smoke cleared and the other guys in the room slowly resumed their preparations for rehearsal, Vegeta turned to his startled companions. "Don't tell."

Ten minutes later, Candyland and Kathy reappeared, each wearing outfits identical to those of the other girls. Candyland had a pair of tan high heels in her hand. "Come on, you guys."

They all trotted up the stairs and into an auditorium, where a series of risers were set up on stage. About forty or so teenagers were wandering around in the tuxes and dresses, and maybe ten more were wandering around holding instruments. A few women were running around, fixing things and pinning costumes. They saw one adult that they recognized as the director from earlier. What was his name?

"Hey, Weber," Candyland said, jumping up onto the stage, where she sat down and buckled her shoes onto her feet. Once the footwear was secure, she jumped up again and looked around. "Hey, where is everyone? There's nobody here!"

A dark-haired girl nearby answered. "There was something going on for student council tonight. And then there's the usual."

"Cold and flu season sucks," Candyland sighed. "So we're short a bunch of people?"

"Yeah, pretty much," the dark-haired girl replied.

"All right, students!" Mr. Weber called. "Get into your places for the opener and let's see exactly how many people we're missing."

Moments later, the count was taken. "Oh good God...we've got a competition next week, and everyone's gone! Ugh..." his voice trailed off as his eyes came to rest on the Z senshi, all of whom had taken seats near the front of the auditorium. "Hey...you were the guys in choir earlier...you could fill in!"

Goku looked bewildered. "What exactly is this show choir thing?"

"Basically singing and dancing. You know, Broadway style," Weber replied with a shrug. "Once you catch on, you'll be fine. Come on, get on stage."

There was a momentary skirmish in the audience section as Vegeta was forcibly dragged onto the stage. Once they got him up there, they waited somewhat nervously for the director to tell them where to go. Why was this happening to them?

"Okay...short guy...go dance with...Kathy," he pointed towards the edge of the stage, where the blonde girl was standing, now looking...well, horrified would have been a good word for it. And Krillen didn't seem much happier.

"Weird-name girl...hmm...Adam," Weber pointed toward a tall, dark-haired kid leaning against the wall with his arms folded. Eighteen tossed her blonde hair and strolled over without a visible reaction.

"Huh...okay—you," he pointed at Gohan, "Sarah." Gohan ended up standing next to a petite brunette whose shoulder came up to his waist.

"Alright, spiky-hair guy," Weber gestured towards Goku. "how about...Laura." Goku bounced over to where a girl with curly dark hair was. She watched him jump up and down, and then imitated him. Both of them started jumping up and down.

Weber ignored them and continued. "Troll man...the redhead over there." Vegeta looked at the girl, sighed, and walked over. He did not look happy. This show choir thing involved dancing. And as with the flag issue that morning, the Prince of the Saiyans did NOT dance! The redheaded girl introduced herself as Sarah, and he merely grunted in reply. She looked somewhat angry.

"Okay, blue-hair girl...John." Bulma found herself partnered with a husky guy with dark hair, sideburns, and a goatee. He immediately started checking her out, much to Vegeta's annoyance.

"Um...you," he pointed nervously at ChiChi, obviously remembering their earlier encounter. "How about...Mike?" ChiChi's assigned partner was a tall guy with dark spiky hair, and a manner of behavior that very clearly read, 'I am the greatest guy on the planet. Bow before me, puny mortals.' (3)

"All right...you," he pointed at Videl. "Austin."

When she saw the kid, she stopped short. _Didn't Vegeta blow that kid up?_ As soon as she fell into place next to him, he began trying to hit on her. Gohan's eyes flashed angrily from jet to emerald, as did Vegeta's. He'd blown that pesky kid up! How the HFIL was it possible? (4)

"Tall green guy..." he pondered for a minute, then grinned. "Go with her."

Candyland and Piccolo just stared at each other. She groaned. "Weber, I hate you."

Stepping up next to the author, the Namekian growled out of the corner of his mouth, "Hey, I don't like it any better than you do."

"Okay...purple-hair kid...Kelsey." Trunks ended up next to a slightly larger girl.

She looked down at him, wrinkled her nose in something akin to disgust, and raised her hand. "Mr. Weber, how is this kid gonna lift me?" she asked, her voice reflecting attitude galore.

"It's just for now. Once everyone gets back, it'll all go back to normal," Weber replied calmly before looking down at his one remaining victim...ah, stand-in. "Little spiky-hair kid...hmm...Lauren needs a partner. Why don't you dance with Lauren?"

"Okay!" Goten bubbled, and skipped over to stand next to a thin girl with long brown hair.

With everyone in place, it was time for the rehearsal to begin.

The most complicated show choir dresses on the planet, I assure you. There's a guy at my school who actually behaves like that. He pets people as a greeting. Most annoying person I know. That's why I killed him in this story. The "Austin died again" gag is a patent of my dear friend Kathy. She kills him at least twice in all her stories; then he gets resurrected and dies again. That's the gag. I know it's mean, but I can't help it. Michael is arrogant and egotistical, and very talented, and he knows it. The only reason anyone can stand him is because he's got a great sense of humor. Like I said, the gag is Austin dies _again_. ^-^ 

AN: Okay, honestly, I don't think Weber would do that, but that's okay. It's comedy! It doesn't have to make sense! Anyhoo, next chapter coming up soon! Will our heroes make it through the rehearsal? Will Candyland and Kathy survive their new dance partners? Has Weber lost his mind? Will the Headliners survive this practice intact? Will Austin die again? These questions and more answered in the next exciting installment of "I Wish You to the Cornfield"!


	13. Dance of the Saiyans

****

AN: I love show choir...during competition season. When we're doing blocking and learning the dances and cleaning, it's just a pain in the @$$. In the last episode, our heroes were preparing to go through a rehearsal with the greatest show choir in Iowa, the Headliners! Honestly, we are one of the top five in the state, and the thing is, some of the people in the group know it. We have class, but we also have a very specific attitude. You'd have to be in the group to really understand. But I digress. On with the story. In case you haven't figured it out, I'm a broke high school student. The most valuable thing I own right now is my portable CD player, and it's a piece of junk! Don't sue me! I'm only borrowing these concepts!

****

Chapter Twelve—Dance of the Saiyans

"Quick, I gotta do something!" Candyland groaned. They'd moved off-stage so that they could practice the entrance, and the author was frantically conversing with the only other person in the show choir who really knew what the HFIL was going on. "I can't believe he paired me with Piccolo! I mean, don't get me wrong, I like Piccolo just fine and everything, but...geez, he just doesn't strike me as the show choir type! You know what I mean!"

"Yeah, I know," Kathy replied, handing her friend a piece of paper and a pen. "But we can't do anything about it right now. Just write something to make sure we all survive!"

"Okay, okay...um..." Candyland tapped the pen against her chin as she thought, and then began writing. Kathy leaned over and read over her shoulder, nodding with agreement.

Candyland paused for a moment, then wrote down one more thing, and Kathy began to laugh. "That's perfect! It'll make this much more enjoyable anyway!"

"Okay, let's get started," Weber called from the audience. "Places! Stand up straight! Arms at your sides! Chin up!"

Candyland stepped into place next to Piccolo, who strangely enough knew exactly what to do. She leaned over and whispered, "You'll be fine. I wrote that you all knew the routines and stuff. Since I wrote you here in the first place, it'll work."

The Namekian nodded, but did not reply.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the Headliners!" Weber called, using his patented announcer voice.

Across the room, Vegeta could be seen quite clearly, rolling his eyes.

The show choir mounted the risers and hit the opening position; drum clicks sounded, setting the tempo, and the music began from the band standing behind the risers. The men sang first.

__

SEE THE MOON SLINK DOWN IN THE SKY, DARLING

LET YOUR FANTASIES FLY, DARLING

LIFE IS COLD

AND THE GAME IS OLD

Then the women took over on the next verse.

__

JUST SEE HOW VIRTUE REPAYS YOU

YOU TURN AND SOMEONE BETRAYS YOU

BETRAY HIM FIRST

AND THE GAME'S REVERSED

All voices joined in then.

__

FOR WE ALL ARE CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

OF ONE LONG, TREACHEROUS RIDDLE

CAN I TRUST YOU?

SHOULD YOU TRUST ME TOO?

It was about that point when the redheaded girl Vegeta had been dancing with stopped and glared at him angrily. Why wouldn't this guy do the freakin' dances? He stopped and glared right back at her. Didn't this girl have any idea who she was dealing with?

Bulma paused in her dancing long enough to slip the angered teenager the treasured frying pan and whisper what to do with it. Sarah hesitated for a minute, then grinned and swung the cast-iron cooking implement at the Saiyan's head with speed that would have made any Saiyan warrior proud. The Prince grabbed the offended spot on his skull, and stormed off the stage in anger, roaring that no one treated the Prince of the Saiyans that way, and vowing many long, painful deaths to everyone.

About that same time, Videl got fed up with Austin trying to hit on her. She whirled around with an outstretched fist and made contact with Austin's nose. He went flying off the back riser and landed hard on the floor. So Austin died again.

Later on in the song, Candyland finally lost it. "Piccolo! You have to dance!"

"I do NOT dance!" the Namekian yelled back. He was rewarded with a slap on the head with ChiChi's frying pan. The force of the blow sent Piccolo flying off the risers and onto the cement floor of the wings. He rolled over and sat up, rubbing his injured head. Candyland gave Piccolo a smirk worthy of Vegeta, returned the offending weapon to ChiChi, and resumed the dancing as they finished the opener.

__

SO WE STAY ON OUR GUARD

WHAT'S BEHIND THE FACADE

LOOK BEHIND THE FACADE! (1)

The various parents and friends assembled in the audience applauded, though a bit hesitantly. In the course of one three minute number, they had seen two people get whacked with frying pans. Even more shocking was the fact that both of those people had gotten right back up again, seemingly uninjured.

Four loud clanks were heard from the back as Matt, drummer extraoridinaire, began beating on various springs and car parts hanging beside his drum set. ChiChi's dance partner, Michael, stepped up to a microphone and began singing.

__

SEE MY PEOPLE, WELL HERE'S MY THEORY

OF WHAT THIS COUNTRY IS MOVING TOWARD

EVERY WORKER, A COG IN MOTION

WELL THAT'S THE NOTION OF HENRY FORD!

The choir danced and sang, bouncing along through the number. Vegeta and Piccolo had been dragged back onto the stage, and were grudgingly going along with everyone else. When they hit the ending chord and struck the ending pose, Saiyan and Namekian both could have done jigs of joy because their torture was over, but to their dismay, the piano started playing a lovely, slow melody.

The girls all slowly moved off the stage and back into two strange little rooms formed by curtains hanging from a wooden frame. ChiChi, Bulma, and Videl followed, opting to stand outside the changing stations and wait for the others to come back out.

On stage, a girl was singing a solo, and the men were standing still, facing the back of the stage, and pulling off their blue ascots. Inside the changing stations, the girls were getting rid of their blue skirts and shoulderpieces and letting their black skirts hang to their full length. When the young women stepped back out and onto the risers, the three DBZ characters joined them.

__

'CAUSE IN VIENNA, WE WERE POETRY

YES, IN VIENNA, LOVE WAS ALIVE

WATCHING YOU WATCHING ME

ALL THAT OUR EYES COULD SEE

ALL OF THE NIGHTS WE CHASED

INTO THE DAWN

IT WAS THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE

Surprisingly, the song was fairly uneventful until the big dance break. The band took over, and about half the guys picked up their partners into a shoulder lift—that is, the girls were sitting on the guy's shoulder. That was when a few problems hit.

A scream was heard, and eyes flew to stare at Kelsey, who was being carried around by Trunks. He was holding her over his head one-handed, and she was yelling her head off.

Gohan picked up Sarah, his partner, just like all the other guys. When she got up to the level of his shoulder, she shrieked, "WHOA! TALL!" From there, she wrapped her arms around his neck, cutting off most of his oxygen supply. He eventually managed to pry her off his neck, and set her down safely on the floor. She looked at him through wide eyes. "You're too tall! Oh my God!!"

Meanwhile, Goku was having a slightly different problem. He went into the lift as well, but as with the flag that morning, he put a little too much force behind it, and his partner...well, Laura kind of went through the ceiling...the half of the group that wasn't in a lift stopped dead in their tracks and stared at the big hole in the very high ceiling. It had to be at least thirty feet to the top of the room, and she'd gone right through!

Goku rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. "Oops!"

Things pretty much went on in that same vein for the rest of the show. ChiChi and Bulma got very fed up with their partners' attitudes, and proceeded to knock out both Mike and John. There were a few more frying pan attacks, and Austin was still dead. By the end of the run-through, Candyland was about ready to cry.

__

Why didn't I write in that they got through it without a mishap? Why, why, why?!? she wondered, plopping down on the risers and putting her face in her hands while she waited for Weber to make comments on the run-through. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear those comments. Lifting her head, she sighed and watched Calla try to untangled the fringe that adorned the bottom of her red sequined dress from the chain that was hanging out of her partner's pocket. The closer was "Forty-Second Street," so they were going for the flapper look.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the stage, Goten was making what was to him a very frightening discovery concerning his dance partner, Lauren.

When the show finished, the girl he'd been working quite nicely with stumbled off the riser and backstage, where she felt around for a while until her hands connected with a wooden stool. On that stool were a folder and a strange white thing. Lauren picked up the white thing and unfolded it into what looked like a long stick with a long red segment on the end. She grabbed the folder and wandered back over to sit on the riser, where she opened the folder and pulled out some very odd paper.

Goten tapped her on the shoulder. "'Scuse me, but why do you have that white stick? And why does your paper have all those little bumps on it?"

"Those little bumps are called Braille. It's how I read," Lauren replied patiently. "And I use that cane to help me get around. I'm blind." (2)

"Oh," Goten said. "What's blind?"

"It means I can't see," Lauren said cheerfully.

"But your eyes are open!" Goten cried indignantly.

"Yes, but I can't see anything out of them."

"Can you see me?" the chibi began dancing around.

Lauren shook her head. "No."

Goten stopped dancing and thought for a minute. Then he picked her up and carried her over to where Gohan was apologizing to his partner for being tall. "Can you see big brother?"

She shook her head again. "No."

"You can't see anything?" Goten looked stricken as he set her back down where she'd been sitting before. It was a completely foreign concept to the child.

"No, I can't."

Goten started to cry. "That's so sad! Why can't you see?"

Lauren felt bad. "It's not that bad. I've been blind since birth, so I've always lived with it."

The chibi sniffled. "But you can't see me!"

"Yes I can. Here...like this..." she held out her hands, felt around for a minute before her fingers found Goten's hair. She felt his hair, and down his face. "Oh...you're so cute!"

Goten blushed. "Is that how you see?" he asked curiously.

"Yes," Lauren replied, relieved that he was cheering up. "I have to feel things to see them. And you are absolutely adorable."

The chibi beamed happily, then turned to call over to his older brother. "Hey Gohan! Come here!"

Gohan strolled over, having finished apologizing. "What's up, squirt?"

"She can't see with her eyes," Goten said importantly. "She sees with her hands."

"I'm blind," Lauren supplied.

At that moment, Candyland walked over. "Hey, chica. I'm going crazy."

"Heh, I thought you were already there," Lauren answered teasingly. "So what's up?"

"Laura [censored last name] went through the ceiling," the author commented.

"What?!?" Lauren asked in disbelief. "Uh-uh, no way."

"Yes way. And judging from the look on Weber's face, I think practice might get called early, which doesn't bother me one little bit."

Sure enough, a slightly freaked-out Weber announced that practice was over. As he made the announcement, he glanced warily at the Z senshi. Candyland, Lauren, and Kathy strolled out to change out of the red dresses into normal street clothes so they could head home to whatever else the night would bring. With the entire cast of DBZ wandering around in an Iowa high school, nearly anything was possible!

Okay, the opener was a medley of "Riddle" and "Falcon the Dive" (both from _The Scarlet Pimpernel_) and "Facade" (from _Jekyll and Hyde_). The second number was "Henry Ford" from _Ragtime_, and the ballad was "Vienna" by Linda Eder. And our big finale/tap number is, as mentioned, "Forty-Second Street" from the musical of the same name. I don't own any of 'em. There actually is a blind girl in our show choir, and she's a sweetheart. That really is her personality. She also happens to be one of my best friends, so don't mess with her! If I don't get you, she will. That cane really hurts! ^-^ 

AN: Next chappie up soon, promise!


	14. After Rehearsal

****

AN: Sorry I haven't updated for a while. Thanksgiving weekend. *Candyland groans* ...no more turkey...I don't want to see another turkey until Christmas! Speaking of which, that's the other half of my excuse—we've been setting up da Yuletide stuff around my house. The tree, the garlands, the clock that plays a different carol on every hour but didn't start working until the day _after_ Christmas last year, the teddy bear that recites "The Night Before Christmas," and of course, the joyous thoughts of 'what the HFIL am I going to get for my friends'. Ah, 'tis the season. And it makes me want to write a Christmas story for these wonderful characters...I just can't think of what...anyhoo, on with this story. No ownership here.

****

Chapter Thirteen—After Rehearsal

"No destruction, no blowing things up, no ki blasts..." Candyland was off on a tirade as she exited the school building with Lauren holding onto her arm (AN: We can guide Lauren around when she holds onto our arms—it's more practical then using her cane), Kathy walking next to her, and the Z senshi straggling along behind her, save Goten; the chibi was holding Lauren's free hand and skipping along happily next to his dance partner, happy as could be. The author was going through a list of things that they weren't allowed to do.

She finished as they reached her car. After loading her friends in, she turned to the Z fighters, and sighed. "There's not enough room, so here's what we're gonna do. You guys are going to go down to the marching band field—"

"Where?" Goku asked.

The author suppressed the urge to smack him. "That place we were at this morning, where all the people with the instruments were?"

"Oh yeah!" the trademark Son Grin appeared.

Candyland rolled her eyes. "Anyway, you're going to go down there and wait for me. If there are any, I repeat, _any _screw-ups...you _will_ regret it."

All the Z senshi simultaneously realized that it would be very hazardous to their health to cross someone who could imitate ChiChi at her worst like that. Every single one of them had an individual idea dancing through their head of what would happen to them if they screwed up...and none of them were pretty. Several involved amputations, ki blasts, and being stuck in a never-ending Celtic dance class.

Satisfied that there would be no further trouble, Candyland opened the door, got into the car, pulled out of the parking spot, and drove off. Figuring that they'd better obey, the whole gang trouped down to the wide semi-grassy field where they'd landed that morning.

"Well, what are we supposed to do now?" Krillen asked.

"Who knows?" Eighteen leaned against the fence that made up one end of the field. It enclosed what appeared to be a large baseball or softball diamond.

"How much longer are we gonna hafta stay here?" Goku whined.

ChiChi smacked him on the back of the head. "As long as it takes. I want to go home as much as you do, but we're not going to get there until Miss High-and-Mighty Author decides she has the time to write us there!"

"Don't say that to her!" Gohan held out his hands in a warding gesture. "We don't want to make her mad if we want to get back home."

"Gohan's right," Bulma agreed. "We've just gotta put up with this for now. When we get back, we'll try to plot some kind of revenge."

"Sounds good to me," Videl chimed in. "It can't be much longer now."

Meanwhile, a little way away, in the middle of the field, Goten was describing his encounter with Lauren to a doubtful Trunks.

"I'm serious! She couldn't see me at all, 'cept when she used her hands," Goten proclaimed. "She had a really funny white stick that she said she used to help her get around so she doesn't bump into stuff, and instead of words, she had some funny bumps on a piece of paper that she said she could read."

"Yeah, right," Trunks rolled his eyes at what he perceived to be his friend's naivete in matters such as that. "I mean, let's be serious Goten—how could a person _not_ see? And you said her eyes were even open. She had to be able to see."

"But she couldn't, Trunks! Honest!" Goten wailed angrily.

"I don't believe you," the older boy crossed his arms stubbornly.

The boys argument finally drew the attention of an older person—namely, Gohan. "What are you two fighting about now?"

"Gohan, you saw her!" Goten realized.

"Saw who?" the teenager cocked his head to one side in confusion.

"Goten says there was a girl in that dance group thing that couldn't see," Trunks sighed, shaking his head in disbelief. "I think he's nuts."

"Actually, there was a blind girl in the choir, kiddo," Gohan informed the older chibi.

"Ha! Told ya so," Goten smirked, feeling vindicated. Trunks just gaped at them.

"Hey guys!" Krillen strolled over to join the smaller crowd. "Here's the deal. From here on out, no trouble-making. The way we figure it, the better behaved we are, the faster that kid'll write us home."

"Gotcha," the two chibis nodded fervently. Both of them wanted to get home.

As if on cue, a pair of headlights pulled up on the sidewalk at the top of the hill, and someone got out of the car. "Hey guys! Come on up!"

Instantly forgetting that they were supposed to behave like normal people, Goten and Trunks pushed off into flight and landed on the sidewalk by the author's feet. Goten looked up at her and beamed. "Hey Mrs. Author-Lady. Where'd ya go?"

In spite of herself, Candyland smiled. "I had to drop a couple of my friends off at their houses. Then I grabbed icees and headed back. Here." She handed each chibi a Moutain Dew Freeze in a Kum-&-Go glass. "I'm addicted to these things."

"Cool!" Trunks chimed, immediately digging in. The rest of the adults arrived at the top of the hill, and they all looked expectantly at the author.

She handed them each a glass. "You're lucky these things are cheap, and I really need a pick-me-up after the way this day has been going. Now you are all going to follow me back to my house, and no funny stuff."

Slurping away at their icees, the somewhat tired Z senshi obeyed, and followed Candyland home.

AN: Okay, maybe not my best chapter. Sorry. *Author bows her head sheepishly* Next one will be tons better, promise. I didn't take the time to revise because I feel guilty when I don't get a chapter up for a while. So bear with me; I'll probably go back over it in the near future. Thanks.

PS: I'd like to take this opportunity to give credit where credit is due, and give some recognition to my dear friend Fred the Mutant Pickle, who has pretty much been my consultant on this whole story. Seriously, we sit on the phone and write together, giving each other ideas as need be. You can see my touch on Fred's story **Before Your Eyes.** I helped write the scene where Videl confronts Gohan. Would you like to know why Videl is confronting Gohan? Then read the story. It's a twist ending, and I promise you won't be disappointed. She says she'll post more if people want it.


	15. Icees and Kiwi

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AN: On with the story! I don't own DBZ, Moutain Dew Freezes from Kum-&-Go, or the little blue Ford Escort that I drive that Jenny and I named Charlotte (my parents own that). I do, however, own Kiwi the Saibaman. He's my pet. Aren't ya, Kiwi? *little green Saibaman runs around in circles, whistling* Okay, enough of this. Let's go!

****

Chapter Fourteen—Icees and Kiwi

"Why are we going to the backyard?" Trunks asked as they passed through the gate in the chain-link fence to enter the wide expanse of grass. He was still stirring the remnants of his Moutain Dew Freeze at the bottom of the plastic cup.

"Because I don't have any other place to put you guys," Candyland replied. "You're anime characters, written into this world by a weird little twist of fate. You're not real in this world. Therefore, logic says that this shouldn't be too hard on you. I hope." She had a key chain made up of a long, black spring in her hand, and was twirling it lazily around her index finger.

"Your logic is less than comforting," Vegeta growled. He was still upset over everything that had happened earlier, especially that annoying brat of a teenager who had tried to pet him. He'd blown that kid to smithereens! He knew he had! So how the HFIL had that brat managed to end up alive, well, and Videl's dance partner? It just wasn't possible! The Saiyan Prince was very put-out about that pesky kid, but no worry. Vegeta was busy planning the many, many ways he would get that brat...next time...

"Vegeta, do me a favor," the author turned her head and called back over her shoulder.

"What?"

"Shut up."

She got an angry grunt in reply, and she ignored it as they reached their destination.

"Umm, what's with the shed?" Krillen asked, tilting his head to one side.

Candyland unlocked it with the key she'd brought down, and pushed the door open. "Sorry for the conditions, guys, but you get to sleep here tonight." As they all began to protest, she held up a hand. "I'm sorry, but there's no place else for me to put you! Besides, you should feel very, very fortunate."

"Why?" Bulma snapped, completely forgetting that they were supposed to be as civilized as possible around the only person who could put them back in their own world.

"Be thankful it's not winter," the teenager's eyes sparkled. "Don't you know about Iowa winters? They're probably some of the worst in the country. It gets really cold, and there's always snow, and lots and lots of ice, and howling wind, and—"

"Okay, we get the point!" Piccolo growled angrily. Not that spending the night in a storage shed in some crazy teenager fanfiction author's backyard really bothered him. He didn't need to sleep. But it was the principle of the thing!

"Calm down, Pic," Candyland said cheerfully. "Now, you guys had better get in here fast, before my parents realize I'm down here."

Suddenly, something small and green scurried down and ended up standing beside Candyland's leg. The little green thing looked at all of them through glowing red eyes, and whistled softly.

Vegeta's jaw dropped. "That's...a...Saibaman!"

Nearby, Krillen was equally stunned. "Where on Earth did you get that?"

"Simple. It's my pet. I wrote it up," the author replied matter-of-factly, patting the Saibaman's head. "His name is Kiwi."

"Kiwi?" they all echoed incredulously, except for Goku who was just staring at the little green alien in perplexed fascination.

"Yup. Kiwi," Candyland repeated proudly.

Goten and Trunks tiptoed forward to better examine this strange creature. "What is it?" Goten asked, staring at the Saibaman in a manner very similar to his father's—wide-eyed, fascinated, and completely bewildered.

"I don't know...but everyone else seems to," Trunks said slowly, extending a hand to try and poke the tiny little green being. Kiwi wasn't amused, though, and jumped back, whistling shrilly at the chibi. "Uh...hey!" Trunks yelped as the Saibaman opened his mouth to reveal many sharp, pointy teeth, and tried to bite the kid's finger. Growling in anger, the chibi attacked Kiwi.

Not one to be left out, Goten followed suit. "Hey! Lemme in!"

And so it came to pass that the three small ones—two demi-Saiyan chibis and one very peeved Saibaman—ended up in one big brawl, rolling around on the ground. That lasted for all of five seconds before mothers and pet-owners descended on the fight with a vengeance.

Bulma and ChiChi pulled their sons apart and away from the Saibaman, and the two chibis got a vehement lecture on behaving like civilized people in public. Nearby, Goku and Vegeta found the whole situation to be quite amusing, much to the displeasure of their respective mates. The children didn't seem to appreciate the talking-to they were getting at all, and responded with something akin to defiance.

In the meantime, Candyland was delivering a scathing reprimand to her pet Saibaman. Kiwi was much more apologetic then the children (AN: because I raised him right!), but he kept glaring at Goten and Trunks with angry red eyes. Goten and Trunks glared right back. Both parties seemed to be saying the exact same thing: rematch, later, when no one is around—I'll get you then.

After that whole episode was sorted out (and the involved parties were still shooting each other evil glances), the Z senshi were essentially herded into the shed for the night. Surprisingly, after the initial shock died down, there was very little complaining about the accomodations.

"I'll be leaving the door unlocked for you because although I'm desperate at the moment, I'm not cruel," Candyland announced. "Oh, and because I do still happen to be desperate, I have a few new threats I'd like to introduce you to right now." She leaned forward and whispered to the Z senshi for about thirty seconds, then straightened up and smiled at them. "Good night." Then she pushed the doors closed, leaving a very frightened group of anime characters sitting in semi-darkness.

It was a wide-eyed Bulma that broke the silence first, repeating Candyland's threats, threats which had been borne of sheer desperation. "No...more...computers?"

Vegeta was next. "No...more...gravity...room?"

Piccolo spoke after that. "No...more...water?"

Then Goku gulped in fear. "No...more...food?"

AN: Hahaha...poor Goku. He's so much fun sometimes!


	16. Some More Stuff Happens

****

AN: I know, I'm just mean to the poor Z senshi, but...they totally destroy everything for me, so I don't feel guilty, nope nope nope. We're drawing near the end of this story, dear friends, so please bear with me. Oh, and just try to guess what I'll be doing to Vegeta at the end. If you've read my other fic, "Reality Bites," you know what I'm talking about ^-^ On with the story! No ownie.

****

Chapter Fifteen—Some More Stuff Happens

When the shed doors parted after about seven eternities, the Z senshi groaned in agony. The mean sunlight was piercing their haven of darkness. The strange assortment of fighters, friends, and family members were draped all over the place.

From where Candyland was standing, it didn't look very comfortable in there. "Uh, guys? You can come out now if you want. My parents and my sister are gone."

One by one, the mighty Z warriors—the people who had faced such beings as Frieza, Cell, and Majin Buu—physically dragged themselves out of the wooden shed and into the yellow sunlight and crisp, cool morning air. It was a typical morning for this time of year—very cool, but later on the temperature would undoubtedly climb to somewhere in the fifties or sixties for a very pleasant afternoon.

Ah, the beauty of Iowa autumn.

They all sprawled out in the grass, which was covered in early-morning dew. Above them, the last faint colors of dawn were fading from what was becoming a clear blue sky, dotted sparsely with clean white clouds. A gentle breeze rustled the red and gold leaves hanging from the trees.

Ah, the beauty of Iowa autumn.

Several unprintable curse words floated up from the anime characters, describing a few positions that Candyland had previously thought were anatomically impossible.

Ah, the beauty of Iowa autumn.

"Guys, listen up," the author announced. "I have to go to school, and after yesterday's escapades, I came to the conclusion that taking you with me again is _not_ a good idea." Sounds of vague agreement. "So it is with a very nervous, very heavy heart that I announce you guys are on your own for today." Trunks sat straight up, looking as if he was about to start celebrating, but Candyland's next words shot _that_ into the dust. "And those threats I made last night? They still stand."

The chibi fell backwards again, muttering something under his breath.

She ignored him, and continued. "I have early out, but I have a college class to go to today. I'll be home at two. There's a pep assembly back up at the high school, and then Kathy and Fred and I are going to get to work on sending you guys home. For all of our sakes."

"You mean it?!?" Gohan asked, lifting his head to look at her mournfully.

"Yup. We already started," she held up a piece of paper with a few lines scribbled at the top in big, loopy cursive. "They're coming over after the pep assembly to finish so all of us can return to however normal our lives can be considered."

The Z senshi were beyond relieved. In fact, Goku even made up a song, which he entitled, "I'm Going Home!" After about eight verses (all of which were exactly the same, and had only three words—I'm going home), Vegeta started twitching, and the author thought it wise to ask Son to...well...shut up.

"What day is it?" Bulma asked, blatantly changing the subject.

"Friday," Candyland replied. "Thank God."

"What's God?" Videl queried, looking suspicious. 'God' was whatever that song they'd been singing in choir was about. Whatever this 'God' thing was, judging from those song lyrics, it/he/she was incredibly powerful.

"According to the principles of Christianity, God is an all-powerful deity. But a nice one. Our world's equivalent of Kami," the author replied.

"Oh," Videl nodded, sort of understanding.

"Is that all?" Candyland looked at the Z senshi, all of whom were still sprawled out in the grass. "Okay, I gotta get to school. Don't make trouble, or you know what'll happen to you." With that, she turned and strolled out of the backyard, muttering to herself. "I know I'm gonna regret this, I know I'm gonna regret this..." Fortunately, only Piccolo's overly sensitive Namekian hearing was capable of overhearing the teenager's murmuring.

He shook his head sadly. _For everyone's sake, I really hope she doesn't regret it._

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Hey Candyland!" someone called to the author as she strolled in—it might have been Mac, but she wasn't sure. She held up a hand in greeting to the unknown person and stopped at her locker.

Seconds later, Kathy appeared. "Hey, how goes it?"

In response, Candyland banged her head against her locker door a few times before looking forlornly at her friend. "Well, we actually managed a pretty quiet night. But Goten and Trunks tried to kill my pet Saibaman. My poor Kiwi is traumatized!"

Kathy looked horrified. "But he's such a good-natured Saibaman! Poor Kiwi."

"I know," the author sighed. "He was so upset last night, he kept running in circles around my bedroom, doing that insane whistling thing he does when he's angry. Man, it was gonna drive me nuts!"

"Bet you didn't get much sleep," Kathy chimed sympathetically. "Well, we send them home today. No more things getting blown up, no more insane anime mothers chasing choir directors out of the room with machine guns, and no more Vegeta constantly threatening mass homicide."

Candyland nodded and slammed her locker shut. "Yeah...hey, did they ever find Laura after Goku sent her through the roof?"

"Yeah," Kathy answered as the two headed for the band-room. "She's in the hospital, but she's actually not injured very seriously, if you can believe it. It's already going around school that some freak threw our choir's star soprano through the auditorium ceiling."

"Oh, good grief..." Candyland shook her head. "Well, if anyone asks, we don't know anything. Today during choir, we are working on getting them back. Capeesh?"

"Capeesh."

"I wonder what they're doing right now...making trouble, I bet."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Why can't we move?" Goten whined.

"Because I want to get home in one piece!" ChiChi admonished her son.

Bulma chimed in. "And you guys have a severe tendency to blow up anything that crosses your path! It's much safer to just stay here and wait."

"She said we go home today," Krillen pointed out. "Everyone just has to stay out of trouble until tonight. It can't be that hard."

Famous last words...

AN: Another successful chapter! I hope...oh well. Next one up soon!


	17. Farewell, College

****

AN: Another chapter, oh joy, oh rapture, oh ecstasy! I don't own DBZ, oh sadness, oh hurt, oh trauma!

****

Chapter Sixteen—Farewell, College

"I can't take this anymore!" Vegeta growled, surging to his feet and into the air.

"Vegeta! Get down here!" Bulma screeched at him.

Goku also took to flight. "I actually side with Vegeta on this one. We've been hanging around here for hours now. Saiyans aren't supposed to sit still for this long. We won't do anything bad, we just need to move around a little."

"Wait a minute, you two!" ChiChi called. "I don't think we can trust you. You're taking us with you whether you like it or not, you understand me?"

Whipped as they were, the two Saiyans had no choice but to accept, and minutes later the entire DBZ cast was zipping through the air in exploration of the city. It was a good-sized place, but small compared to West City, and soon, the Saiyan members of the party became very bored. They wanted to fight! But sparring had been very specifically forbidden. So what could they do?

By the time they were done exploring, they were quite proud of themselves because they'd managed to check out the place without destroying too much. Yeah, they'd nearly knocked over that big obelisk thing (AN: a local monument), and when they'd gotten into that huge theatre, Goten and Trunks had nearly destroyed the enormous chandelier that hung over the balcony (but the security guys had really made too big a deal out of it!). But nothing had been permanently damaged!

Finally, tired of wandering and almost out of things to check out, the gang returned to the general area of Candyland's house. It was then that they realized something very important—they had no idea where the author's house was. This presented a tiny bit of a problem.

In desperation, Gohan had the idea that maybe they could sense the author's ki. It was a long shot, but hey—at that point they were willing to try anything. But to Gohan's surprise, when he extended a mental eye, he was stunned that he could pick up the author's energy signature almost instantly. But it wasn't like any of their kis, it was different.

"Maybe fanfiction writers have their own ki type," Bulma suggested as they zoomed towards the teenager's location. It didn't take long at all, and they ended up landing in the middle of a cluster of large buildings separated by grassy areas and sidewalks. Small groups of people were milling around; most of them gave our heroes weird glances before moving on.

"Where are we?" Goku asked; his face was twisted into the famous facial expression, the classic Goku-Look-of-Confusion (patent pending).

Eighteen looked around for a moment before offering her verdict. "It looks like a college campus."

"Wait," Gohan ventured. "Didn't that girl say she had a college class in the afternoon?"

As if on cue, the author appeared on the sidewalk nearby. She looked at them in something similar to horror before clasping a hand over her eyes and groaning, "Oh no!"

The Goku-Look-of-Confusion vanished from the Saiyan's face to be replaced by the famous Son Grin. "Hey! We found you!"

"I noticed," Candyland sighed. "Gods...what did I do to deserve this?"

"Shouldn't have been writing those stories," Piccolo answered smugly.

She glared at him. "Thank you, Mr. Smart-Aleck." Then she turned her attention to the rest of the crew. "Oh man, I know I'm gonna regret this, but just come up to class with me. You will behave, or so help me, I swear by all that is holy—"

"Calm down. It's okay," Gohan said soothingly, putting a hand on the now-stressed teenager's shoulder. "We made it through the morning without anything happening. Why can't we make it through the afternoon as well?"

She calmed down and smiled thankfully at the demi-Saiyan. Some odd corner of her mind noticed that he was actually not too bad-looking. And only a year older than her...oh well. There were two problems. A) Videl's territory. B) anime character. (AN: I'm seventeen and a little bit boy-crazy. So sue me, okay!) "Well, let's get to class," Candyland led the way into a nearby building, made of dark brown bricks. They went up a few flights of stairs and into a classroom.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

__

Half an hour later...

KABOOM!!!!!!!!!!!

Out of the rubble that had once been a building of college classrooms came several loud voices, and the joyous sound of frying pans making some serious contact with Saiyan skulls.

"VEGETA!" Candyland roared, chasing the arrogant prince down with Bulma's Almighty Frying Pan of Death. "COME BACK HERE!"

Vegeta chose to ignore her, but continued running, not just from the teenager, but from the rest of the Z senshi, who were somewhat put out about having a building blown up while they were still in it.

Some odd, detached corner of Krillen's mind noticed that Candyland could move far faster than most normal humans. In fact, she actually caught up to Vegeta, and proceeded to give the Saiyan the thrashing of his life with the Frying Pan of Terror. They actually had to pry her off of him, and she calmed down, though unwillingly. (AN: I have a tendency to freak out over things ^-^)

Though she would not again beat the arrogant Saiyan Prince with a cast-iron kitchen implement, Candyland spent the rest of the day giving Vegeta death-glares worthy of Vegeta himself.

She ordered them all back to her house; they followed in the air while she drove on the ground with Bulma and ChiChi. It was to the point where she was getting used to the weird looks people were giving the entourage.

Half an hour later, Candyland announced that they were going back up to the high school for the football team's pep assembly. They had a big away game that night, and this was the send-off.

And so it came to pass that the Z senshi were once again carted off to Candyland's high school, bracing themselves for whatever this 'pep assembly' thing would bring. At this point, they honestly thought that anything might be possible.

AN: Ha! Did you really think I'd survive this story without Vegeta blowing anything up? I mean, really! I think there's going to be two more chapters and an epilogue, and then this story is a wrap. Keep your eyes peeled for the next chappie, it'll be up soon. Thanks a ton!


	18. Rah Rah Rah!

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AN: Here comes the pep assembly! Will Candyland maintain her (imaginary) sanity? Will anything else get blown up? If you read the earlier chapters, you should know the answer to this! On we go! I don't own DBZ, my school, or any of the persons or parties mentioned hereafter!

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Chapter Seventeen—Rah Rah Rah!

The band was grouped together in a small grassy knoll next to the main stairs of the school, and the entire student body was milling around at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for the assembly to start.

But all the male members (minus the chibis, who were too young to appreciate) of the Z squad were focused on something else entirely.

In front of the main doors, the cheerleaders were doing their dance while the pep band (AN: which is also the marching band and the concert band) played "Louie Louie." Most of the male eyes were glued to the short skirts (AN: I can just see this in my mind...)

"Whoa..." Gohan muttered, his jaw hanging off of his bright red face as he watched the cheerleaders. "Master Roshi's gonna be sorry he missed this!"

As the cheerleaders went into their first cheer, Goku's look went from inquisitive to delighted, and he actually started _participating_.

"Are you ready to get started?" the girls asked, clapping their hands and running in place.

Goku started jumping up and down as he called back. "Yes we are!"

And so it went on like that, with the band playing a couple songs and the cheerleaders dancing. After about thirty seconds, Candyland suspected that the only thing keeping the male members of the Z senshi where they were was the cheerleaders. But judging from the looks on Bulma, ChiChi, Eighteen, and Videl's faces, if this persisted, the men would not be standing for long.

The footballs players came out, and a couple of them said a few words, and the student body cheered, hooted, and hollered. Then the cheerleaders went to work again.

"Hey freshmen!" they called.

"Hey what?" the freshmen in the crowd replied.

"Hey freshmen!"

"Hey what?"

"Shake your booty!"

"No way!"

"Shake your booty!"

"Okay!"

With that, the cheerleaders and a fourth of the student body began jumping up and down, moving in a circle, and...well...shook their booties.

"Jump, shake your booty, jump jump, shake your booty, jump, shake your booty, jump jump, shake your booty!" Then the cheerleaders moved onto the sophomores, juniors, seniors, and finally the entire school was jumping and shaking their booties.

All except the Z males, whose eyes had rather unceremoniously bugged out of their heads at the sight of twenty or so high school girls doing...THAT! And apparently, THAT was enough for the ladies. The frying pans flew, and the men managed to ogle a little less conspicuously. The only one not totally taken in by the cheerleaders was Goku, who was doing what they said—jumping and shaking his booty.

Vegeta was not pleased by two things. Number one, the last full-blooded member of his race was doing something that Vegeta himself would have rather died than do—dancing. And number one, the damn baka woman had just conked him over the head with a frying pan. And for a lack of anyone else to blame, he blamed the cheerleaders for the pain in his head. And because of his aching cranium, the high-pitched squeals being emitted from the energetic pom squad were far less than enjoyable. In fact, they were just downright annoying.

And in Vegeta's eyes, there was only one way to deal with an annoyance.

Ki blast. Blow up. Destroy.

And that's just what Vegeta did.

Before anyone could stop him, he raised a hand and formed a sizable ki blast. An instant later, he released it towards the dancing teenagers in cheerleading outfits. The cheers were replaced by screams as the girls were instantaneously incinerated, and the concrete landing and the stairs erupted in a cloud of dust as big chunks of cement went flying everywhere. The student body of the school, who had been grouped around at the bottom of the stairs, fled screaming in terror as the short, freaky-looking guy in Spandex blew up the front of the school and the cheerleading squad. The majority of these students jumped in cars and scereched away from the school. Most of the band members dropped their instruments in the grass and took off for the farthest reaches of the parking lot to get away from Crazy-Hair Spandex Man.

Vegeta smirked triumphantly—at last, he'd gotten those pesky kids to stop! And he'd seen one of the big pieces of flying concrete land on that annoying kid from the rehearsal the night before.

So Austin died again. (AN: I know, I'm cruel! But if you knew the kid, you'd understand.)

But Vegeta's victory didn't last.

Bulma descended on him with a frying pan, screaming at him for being such a thickheaded idiot.

Candyland descended on him with a pen and paper in hand, shrieking at him for blowing up the front of her school and a few of her friends.

Goku descended on him with a fists a-flying, yelling at him for stopping the fun he'd been having doing the cheers and their accompanying dances.

And a few feet away, Fred the Mutant Pickle and Kathy were rolling around on the ground, laughing their heads off. They didn't like cheerleaders, nor did they like Vegeta, so this was a definite bonus for the two of them. Nearby, Goten and Trunks were a little confused—why had Vegeta blown up those people? They had been so funny!

In a huff, Candyland grabbed her two friends and sat down in the charred remnants of the grass. "That's it! We're doing this now! Screw whatever else I have to do! Fred, Kathy, get your butts over here and let's write these guys home!" She shot a very measuring glance at Vegeta, then started writing.

The Z senshi reacted joyfully, according to their own natures. For a few of them, that meant that no reaction registered whatsoever. But everyone was surprised—Eighteen actually smiled at the thought of going home and rescuing her daughter from the clutches of Sir Roshi the Perverted.

While Candyland scribbled on the paper, Fred and Kathy read over her shoulder. Suddenly, both teenagers began laughing at the same time. Whatever Candyland was writing, it had to be pretty damn funny, judging from the reactions.

And for some reason, this made the Z cast somewhat nervous.

Finally, she lifted her hand from the paper, held the sheet up, and began reading it to herself. About ten seconds later, she smiled and nodded. "Yup, this is it. Say goodbye, you guys."

Almost predictably, Goku grinned. "Goodbye, you guys!"

Candyland fought down the urge to give Goku one last smack on the head, and instead held the paper over her head. It began glowing, and beams of light shot out from it. The chibis (and Goku) oohed and aahed at the spectacle. It was like fireworks!

In a bright flash of light, the same strange vortext portal-thing appeared next to them and sucked them in with intense force. For the second time, the Z senshi fell through a seemingly-endless tunnel of color, until a blinding light appeared beneath them, signalling their return home...

AN: Almost done. One more chapter and a short epilogue to wrap this up. Next (and final) chapter up soon.


	19. Home Sweet Home

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AN: This is the last full chapter of the story. *sniff* *SOB* Oh well, I have a million other ideas swarming around in my cluttered little mind. But after I write/post the epilogue for this, my full attention is going to go towards writing up "And Then There Were None." I have seven chapters up, and nothing else on it written, so I'm going to finish this, and then finish that. Sound good? Good. It does to me too. Enough of my prattling, on with the story. I don't own DBZ or the hula. Curious as to why I say that? Then read on!

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Chapter Eighteen—Home Sweet Home

The light opened up beneath them, and the Z fighters landed in a big heap.

In the Capsule Corporation gardens.

Right where they'd started.

But the boy who had made the wish in the first place was gone. Strange...and disappointing. Most of them had desperately wanted to brutally kill the person who had subjected them to so much torture because of his wish.

As they picked themselves up, Piccolo made a comment to that effect. "That weird kid's gone. I wonder who he was. And why did he make that stupid wish?"

"I think I might know," Bulma said, sitting down on a retaining wall that encircled a small flower bed. "Wasn't that whole thing started as one of Candyland's stories? I'm betting that the kid was just a character she made up to get the story started. There was nothing behind him being there. He had one purpose, and that was to make the wish."

"Sounds logical," Videl agreed, checking herself for any injuries sustained in their less-than-graceful landing.

"Well, that was an experience I never want to repeat," Krillen declared as he rubbed his aching head. Of course his head hurt—Piccolo had kind of landed on it. That was one heavy Namekian!

Eighteen nodded. "Yeah. I'm gonna go rescue Marron."

This seemed to signal that it was time for everyone to go home. But as everyone got up to leave, something very strange caught their attention.

After all, it's pretty hard to miss the usually self-composed Son Gohan rolling around on the ground, laughing so hard that tears were coming out of his eyes.

Seconds later, the rest of the group realized the reason for this—and most had very similar reactions to what they saw. Even Piccolo was laughing to the point of hysteria.

Vegeta. The proud Prince Vegeta.

He looked...odd. To say the least.

This had 'Candyland's revenge' stamped all over it. No doubt about it.

This was definitely what she'd been smirking about while she was writing. And most likely, this was also what her two friends had found so incredibly funny when they'd been reading over her shoulder.

The proud Saiyan Prince was wearing a complete hula outfit. He had a nice grass skirt and colorful leis. The outfit was very complete; Vegeta was even sporting a coconut bikini top. (AN: O_o) Yessiree, he was quite a sight. There was even a lovely flower in his hair to match the charming garlands hanging from his neck and encircling his wrists and ankles.

But Vegeta was _not_ amused. Vegeta did _not_ like looking like a hula dancer.

In a vain attempt to save his already-shattered pride, the Saiyan Prince turned and started to storm off towards the house. But before he got there, something else very strange happened.

Son Goku jumped to his feet. A ukulele had somehow managed to magically appear in his hands, and he miraculously knew how to play it. Sure enough, Goku started strumming away.

And suddenly, good ol' Vegeta couldn't keep himself from dancing.

More specifically, dancing the hula.

Actually, _everybody_ started dancing. Except for Goku, who was still playing away happily on his ukulele, completely oblivious to Vegeta's ever-growing rage. Vegeta was the only one who was really, really upset by this. Piccolo didn't seem angry, only confused and somewhat annoyed. Even the stoic Eighteen looked mildly amused at the antics.

And so the dancing continued for quite some time; the music was occasionally interrupted by Vegeta, who for lack of any other options was expressing his sizable rage by bellowing every swear word he'd ever heard in every language he knew. Had Bulma been able to cease her dancing to go over and smack him upside the head with her trusty (though somewhat dented) frying pan, she probably would have.

Goten and Trunks were having a field day. For some reason, the chibis were the only two not afflicted by the strange dancing fever, and they were taking full advantage of it to get some great blackmail shots. They got a few pictures of Gohan and Videl, who just smiled at the camera; Krillen grinned broadly while Eighteen smirked; Bulma and ChiChi were equally friendly towards the photographers; Goku was just oblivious. Piccolo growled a few death threats, but seemed determined not to let the situation bother him. But that was typically Piccolo—he didn't let much faze him. Not even being forced to dance around in a most unusual manner could make the composed Piccolo break a sweat.

Vegeta, on the other hand, began vowing many, many painful deaths to everyone, especially the shutter-happy chibis. Because of this reaction, the Saiyan Prince became their favorite target. Both knew that they would undoubtedly pay for this amusement when the strange hula spell wore off and Vegeta got them both in the gravity room. But that was at the back of their minds.

The strangest thing was that somewhere, from the sky above them, all could have sworn that they heard a very familiar laugh echoing among the clouds.

The laugh of a vindicated teenage girl.

AN: Yup, that's me at the end! Just one more little thing to put up—a nice short prologue. Then it's fin, and I can put all my time and effort into "And Then There Were None." Man, it feels good to have this fic done. You have no idea how long it's been swimming around in my head. Now I can get it out! Hooray!


	20. Epilogue

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AN: The last little bit of this story. Finally, we're done! Hallelujah! I don't own DBZ!

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Epilogue

Candyland sat back in her computer room chair, reveling in the relative quiet around her. A small smile made its way onto her face, and she sighed happily.

"What are you so happy about?" Fred the Mutant Pickle finally asked.

"Listen, Freddie," she replied dreamily. "No explosions, no arguing, no chibis in my room...just the beautiful sound of quiet. I've had two days of this wonderful quiet."

Kathy laughed. "I take it you're really happy that they're gone."

"Damn straight I'm happy they're gone!" Candyland spun around to look at her two friends. The two teenagers with almost identically-colored blonde hair were seated comfortably on the guest bed that was housed in the same room as Candyland's computer. "This means I can actually go to rehearsal without worrying that someone's going to go through another roof. Let me tell you, I don't think the janitors were very happy about having to patch up that nice big hole in the auditorium ceiling."

This earned a laugh. "Not much they can do," Fred pointed out. "So what's your next fic going to be? Are you going to do another torture story?"

"Not at the moment," Candyland replied, turning back to the computer. "I think I'll stick with my songfics and POV stories for a while. It's safer."

"I just noticed something," Kathy commented. "Most people do 'torture Gohan' fics or stories where they torture their favorite character only. You torment the whole gang."

"Yup. I'm proud of it, too," Candyland flashed something very similar to the Son Grin. "But it's kind of dangerous too. Yeah, I'm taking a little break from those. Back to my good ol' songfics."

"You write way too many of those," Kathy replied.

"Yeah, I know. Oh well," the fanfiction author put her hands on the keyboard. "Do you think I was too hard on Vegeta? I mean, I wrote that the hula lasts all night!"

"Don't worry about him," Fred said firmly. "He's Saiyan. He'll be fine. I'd be more worried about the rest of them. Ya know, Bulma and ChiChi. And no, you weren't too hard on him. I'd almost say you weren't quite hard enough."

"He blew up the cheerleaders!" Kathy exclaimed with a laugh. She still found that to be incredibly funny. "I'd say _that_ was being a little too harsh."

"Yeah," Candyland answered, watching as Kiwi scurried into the room and began running around in circles, chasing his own nonexistant tail. "You're right. So...what should I write next?" Suddenly, a thoughtful look crossed the author's face, and slowly, it faded from thoughtful into downright gleeful. "Oh, I just had the most brilliant of ideas! Hmm…maybe I wasn't quite hard enough on Vegeta. So let's right that little wrong and make sure he knows who's in charge."

Cackling like a maniac, Candyland began typing frantically.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

IN DBZ LAND…

It had been two days since the Z fighters's excursion into Candyland's world. It was a lovely day, bright and sunny. Little birds fluttered through the air, chirping happily.

__

"WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Suddenly, a very loud roar, coming from inside one, Capsule Corp, shattered the peacefulness of late afternoon. The birds flew off for destinations unknown at the sudden disruption.

The bellowing was indeed Vegeta. Bright light flashed in the windows, signalling that the Saiyan's rage was enough to send him soaring up to Super Saiyan. A moment later, the reason for this outburst was announced to the people who had gathered outside to see what was happening. They all assumed that it was one of the legendary arguments that often took place between Bulma Briefs and her "husband".

Vegeta roared, loud enough for all bystanders to hear. _"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, 'YOU FORGOT TO TAKE THE PILL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"_

AN: Short, stupid little prologue. Just wanted to wrap things up, and torment Vegeta a little bit more. Hahaha. This is the end of the story! Hallelujah! Thank you to all who read, and all who read and reviewed. I love you! I hope you enjoyed my twisted torture tale, and if you ever have time, feel free to come back to my little corner of the insane asylum...err, fanfiction.net. Bye!


End file.
